Image by Raul Varzar on Unsplash.
A while ago I sustained a health problem. A few people wrote to say, “Do you need anything?”
Sometimes they phrased it differently: “Do you have everything you need?”
A few even went into detail about how they would have no trouble offering help.
Well, I said, I could use someone dropping by…maybe going with me for a short walk. Otherwise I had everything I needed and more. I could easily have things delivered or pay for what I wanted. I didn’t really need – or want – much of anything. I recovered so fast, anyway, I couldn’t have used help.
But that got me thinking,
(1) Asking for help can be a big ask – sometimes more than we realize.
Over the years, I’ve asked for help in taking small walks with me, picking up a prescription, opening jars, and giving me a ride. Each “ask” seemed small, until I did a “flip the switch.” Would I find time to do these things? Would I do them easily? How would I feel about being asked?
(2) People don’t realize you need help till you ask.
In my case I didn’t need much. I would be annoyed if people made assumptions. Some people want others to ask if they’re okay. “If they haven’t seen me in awhile won’t they worry?” I hope not.
(3) Asking for help puts you in a one-down position.
It’s not a worry about bothering people. It’s a worry about how you come across. After you’ve asked for help one too many times, people see you differently. They may run when they see you. Or they may see you as a weak person rather than an equal.
(4) Giving help is a form of power.
Once I attended a classical concert when someone discreetly coughed during a performance. A whisper cut through the silence, asking, “Are you all right?”
That was a compulsive helper. The rest of us were there for the music.
(5) If you can afford to hire help, do it.
When I see all those articles advising, “It’s a sign of health to ask for help,” I want to scream. Specifically, I want to scream, “No it isn’t! If you can afford to hire help, do it. Pay for what you need in dollars. Otherwise, you end up with an unspecified amount of debt…debt that often isn’t acknowledged.
Needing help is not a sign of strength. It’s why so many of us don’t want to grow old. Being dependent means losing power and control. Let’s recognize this as a fact.
