Select Page

Imager by Amanda Jones on Unsplash.

Did you see the movie The Usual Suspects? When we realize this guy’s really the powerful Kayzer Sose? That’s what getting old feels like when you play the age card.

Just like that guy, you play along with what people expect. You take advantage of the stereotypes.

They patronize you. Or they put you in an uncomfortable situation. So you play “helpless old lady.”
\deserve it.

One time I was crossing a street in snowy weather. I was trying to figure out how to jump over the ice when a nice well-meaning young man asked, “Do you need some help?”

“You bet!” I said. I grabbed his arm. “And could you carry my backpack too?”

“Sure,” he said kindly. And he walked me a whole block to the door of my gym, where I thanked him politely, shouldered my backpack and climbed a steep flight of stairs to my weight training class.

Some people are really good at this. I once read about a woman who walks five miles a day but shows up at the airport with a cane. Limping up to the check-in desk, she asks for a wheelchair and gets early boarding. Wish I’d thought of that one.

Somewhere I read about a woman who was waiting to check out her groceries. A young man approached with, I’ll buy your food.” He’d read that “older” people are poor.

She missed an opportunity to Play the Age Card. Say “Just a minute.” Run to add steaks, chops and lobster to your catrt. Show the loaded card to the young man. Say, “It’s all yours.”

That’ll teach ‘em.

Note: This article comes directly from my book on aging, When I Get Old I Plan To Be a Bitch. Click here for the link to buy and also the trigger warnings.