Photo by Louis Droege on Unsplash.
i started seeing red with a short video on some station or other:
“No I can’t go with you to wherever. I just had a diagnosis.”
“Oh no! What was it?”
“I’m old.”
I have no idea why you can’t go somewhere when you’re “old.” Gloria Steinem was traveling nonstop when she was in her 80s. No private jets for her: she often flew coach.
That doesn’t mean everyone can (or wants to) fly around at any age. It just means age does not identify you as a traveler or stay-at-home person.
Your age is not your identity. But lots of people think it is.
Some years ago I visited an orthopedist. He pointed to some ugly tan shoes with laces. “See these shoes? My mother wears these. She’s about your age. You should wear them too.”
So now we choose our shoes by age, not size or foot shape? Quack, quack.
Or, “You’re having trouble with your cell phone? My grandfather can’t do cell phones either. Let me help…oh, you say you make websites?” Looks skeptical. “Well, phones are different…”
That happened to me when I was trying to read a QR code in a restaurant. Never mind that there’s a QR code on my business card. Never mind that I read them all the time at our local farmers’ market.
It turned out that there was something seriously wrong with my phone’s roaming. I couldn’t get the Lyft website either. A visit to the Verizon center fixed everything.
An 80-something dancer dazzles one of those Got Talent shows. Her partner swirls her around dangerously. She’s upside down. She’s not even breathing hard.
A female judge says afterward, “All I could think of was my sweet old granny…”
That’s not your grandmother, honey. That’s a professional dancer. Most 20-year-olds couldn’t do that either. She’s amazing at any age.
In my book I tell stories of people who grab my arm on buses. People aren’t used to seeing older people walking around just like ordinary people, so they ask “Are you all right?” and offer help.
Even medical people rarely see healthy people over 40; they’re astounded to find anyone over 50 who doesn’t ache. I’ve had bizarre conversations with medical people at the gym.
When I was in my 30s, someone said to me, “After 50 it’s just patch-patch-patch.” I vowed that I’d be patchless for a long time and I was.
Granted, I’m tired of hearing that “age is just a number.”
But age isn’t an identity either. It’s like assuming all women are bad drivers when we have women driving race cars and flying off carrier decks in the Navy. Sure, some women (like me!) aren’t great drivers and would be scared to fly a Cessna. But some aren’t. It’s like making assumptions about Black people, Jews, and Asians.
An 80-year-old might be a frail body in a wheelchair…or she might be running marathons.
Don’t ask about her age. Ask about the marathons. You might be surprised.
