Image by Mircea Iancu from Pixabay
I’ve seen hundreds (maybe thousands) of articles along the lines of “What it feels like to turn fifty…” or sixty, seventy, eighty, or even ninety. There are articles about turning any age.
A few themes emerge consistently in the articles for “elders.”
You need to eat carefully and sleep well. You need to keep active and involved with other people. How will you do this? Most of the articles mention volunteer work. Some talk about the importance of grandchildren.
Nearly 100% of those articles mention being free to be oneself. They talk about not paying attention to other people. They want to do things their way.
So why do they keep writing these articles?
After all, each person’s experience of a milestone birthday will be different. One year I held a party, raised money for my favorite charities, and performed a comedy routine. Some people celebrate with family. Some prefer to be alone. Some find themselves forced to be alone.
The people writing these articles are usually not professionals. They are not geriatricians. They are not scholars, investment advisors, psychotherapists, life coaches, or other experts.
And why do we keep reading them?
We want to compare ourselves with others. How are they navigating life’s passages? What symptoms of ill health are they having? Do they have back pain like ours? How advanced is their arthritis? Do they look worse than I do?
The idea seems to be, we can get a group of people together for an informal discussion. We can’t get together in person so we can exchange articles. We can get answers to questions like, “How are other people experiencing this age?”
But here’s the rub. We shouldn’t be asking that question.
Nearly everybody says we care less about others as we get older.
For example, suppose an article writer mentions back pain. Personally, I haven’t had back pain. I was horrified when someone (a former nurse, no less) said casually, “Everyone over 60 has back pain.” z
Another talks about finding happiness in volunteer work…but as I write in my book, volunteerism should be voluntary. I’m not a candidate for reading to children (they run away when I approach) or even walking dogs (they knock me over). As a volunteer tour guide, I would get lost a lot. As a volunteer theater usher (which I still do) I often send people to the wrong seats.
So by definition, we can safely ignore these articles.
One says, “Don’t color your hair.” I’m ignoring that once. Another says, “Get lots of exercise.” I’m doing that. ‘
I can’t help wondering if it’s a sign of the times, not of getting older.
The 30-something and 40-something people in my coworking space don’t seem to give a damn about what others think. They jump through hoops for jobs — but so do entrepreneurs who work on their own.
I hope I can follow my own advice and ignore those “What It’s Like To Be…” articles. But sometimes it’s hard to resist hearing about other people. I suspect a lot of readers (like me) enjoy feeling superior to the common thread. “I’m not that bad off,” we say with pride.
Maybe that’s a good thing after all.
