I’ve read lots of articles that fall into one of two categories
There’s “I’m so grateful to have grown children who can helpĀ me.”
And there’s “I feel so alone and helpless without family, especially grown children.”
There are some in the middle, like this one by Sheila Solomon Klass, who depended on her daughter, the doctor. Her daughter was Perri Klass, a very successful author of many books and even more articles. Her daughter wrote another article after her mother died.
I refuse to feel deprived because I don’t have kids. As a proud childless cat lady, and as a member of the Community of Single People on Facebook (without about 8000 members), I am eternally grateful to be aging alone.
Three main reasons:
1 – Nobody cares if I break the rules.
I know the risks. But sometimes I’ll choose a food treat that makes the Mediterranean diet shudder.
Sometimes life calls for a blueberry muffin, not a serving of broccoli.
2 – I don’t have to hang on “for the kids.”
I can decline a treatment or test without explaining why.
I don’t have to explain if I reject any medical advice. As one doctor said to me, “You’re an adult.”
I know someone who posted how sad she was when her dad disconnected all the tubes and escaped from the hospital.
Frankly, he was lucky. He wasn’t going to get any better by staying there. He died fast.
3 – Nobody’s telling me to “take it easy” or “get a rest now.”
It’s too easy to be too easy on ourselves. It’s SO tempting to say, “I’m too old to do that.”
We forget: People of all ages need to push themselves. And sometimes it’s hard. You have to strike a balance between being proactive and being stupid.
Of course, I can say this because of my circumstances.
Living in a city, I have almost everything delivered. I think people would notice if I disappeared. I live within walking distance of two major hospitals. I have lots of things to do and it would be hard to be socially isolated, even if I wanted to.
I can understand why people who need a car to get anywhere would want to depend on relatives.
I also understand that you might be living in a place that doesn’t align with you or your values It might be harder to make friends there, maybe even impossible.
But if you find a place you like, and you want to live on your own terms, it’s nice to be alone. The cat may not be much help in a crisis, but she’s not about to tell me how to run my life. It’s a tradeoff.