Image by Irit Keynan on Unsplash.
The New York Times recently rolled out yet another method for “torturing older people”: five questions to ask your elders over the holidays, all in the name of preserving oral history.
Nobody asked the elders if they wanted to be interrogated.
Personally, I’d be less than thrilled if someone leaned over my plate and asked, “When did you get into trouble?” or, “Who were the loves of your life?” That’s not oral history. That’s just being nosy.
Want to dig into the past? Fine—ask about the world fifty or sixty years ago:
-
“Is it true people actually had legroom on airplanes and dressed up to fly?”
-
“Did women really get dressed to go shopping…because you couldn’t just order from Amazon?”
-
“Were there separate ‘help wanted’ columns for men and women?”
-
“Did women really cook and clean for the household?”
-
“And people actually said, ‘Be a teacher or a secretary and you’ll always have work’?”
Honestly? Those memories are depressing. Sure, they’re historical, but who cares?
And don’t get me started on the advice questions. “What advice would you give your former self?” My former self was too stubborn to listen, so thanks but no. “Advice for today?” Please. If you want advice, pay for it—and not from me. As I wrote in When I Get Old I Plan to Be a Bitch, “I’m a smart-ass…not a sage.”
If I’m in a mixed-age group (which I usually am), I don’t want to dredge up the past. I want to talk about mutual interests: art, movies, my current obsession with Italian murder mysteries, your trip to Rome, my trip to Aosta (a place nobody’s heard of). I don’t need a reminder that I’ve been around the block—unless someone’s hiring me for my expertise.
And if we’re at a dinner party (which I avoid like the plague), my focus is simple: figure out how to eat dessert and escape before everyone else turns boring, drunk, or obnoxious.
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/11/24/well/interviewing-older-relatives-questions.html?unlocked_article_code=1.4k8.-C9c.xOwI2pecq2Wo&smid=url-share
