Image by Fares Hamouche on Unsplash.
Recently I’ve been watching videos about people who were being scammed, especially romance scammers. One thing that strikes me is the number of people who say, “I’m the kind of person who…” Usually, they describe themselves as the kind of person who likes to help others. They can’t say no to someone who’s hurting…and scammers take advantage.
Once you identify as someone who helps people, you wont sit by and let someone go to prison because someone put drugs in their suitcase…or go hungry because they need gift cards to buy food on an oil rig.. Those are lines actually used by scammers, and people fall for those scams…hard. Just google “catfished” and you’ll hear hundreds of true stories.
So…what kind of person are you? Take a minute to answer this question. Write it out: “I’m the kind of person who…”
Here are 3 takeaways.
1 – Your identity is a powerful influencer.
Saying “I’m a charitable person” predicts giveaways more than other characteristics. It’s related to self-concept theory in psychology, which has been explained multiple times. It’s discussed at length in social psych courses.
2 – Affirming an identity can be a powerful force for good.
Believing that ‘”I’m a fit person” will get you motivated to exercise. Believe you’re a hard worker and you’ll work.
A Medium author wrote about teaching his daughter to believe, “I’m the kind of person who does hard things.” That helped his daughter get through a rough spot in gymnastics class.
The author points tp abook by Chip and Dan Heath, Switch. That book encourages us to make decisions by asking ourselves, “What would someone like me do?” In other words, look to your identity as a guide.
3 – Self-concept can be dangerous to ourselves and others.
We keep hearing that a person’s self-concept can be more motivational than willpower. Medium ran an article, ‘i’m the kind of person who does hard things.” The article points to a selection from Switch by the Heath brothers.
We might associate self-concept with a false identity. You hear people say, “I’m a person who is lazy.” Or “I’m a person who is old.”
I’d say we have to dig a little deeper. We have to ask, “What does it mean to be lazy? Or old?
A woman writes, “I’m 47 and feel marginalized and ignored.” Is it age that’s caused the problem?
A man writes, “I have trouble bending over to pick up a nickel…or a dollar.” Is it age that caused the problem?
And of course you might lose a key element of your identity I don’t know what it would be like to lose the part of identity related to fitness. That’s another article. Are you the same person? Do you feel like the same person? I’ll leave that one to the psychologists.
Perhaps the most dangerous part of self-concept is the assumption that it’s not malleable…that it applies in all situations. Even saying “I’m the kind of person who can’t see anyone in need” can mislead: it’s how people end up working with scammers. There has to be some sort of disclaimer or block.
