Image from Depositphotos.
When I watch the romance scam channels on YouTube, I can’t help noticing that none of the victims seem to define themselves as single, let alone single by choice.
Scammers target people who are not only lonely, but who fear loneliness. “Being alone” seems painful and they’re willing to spend time, money and energy to avoid it.
Potential scam victims have a lot to learn from people who are happily single.
Potential scam victims have often experienced a recent break in their relationship or their marriage. Their identity has shifted.
“When her husband left her after 20 years of marriage…”
“After a really bad breakup, she was eager to find a new partner…”
“He felt the spark had gone out of his marriage and he was lonely…”
At this point someone often suggests they look into online dating as a way to feel less alone.
Then they get a message. “You’re beautiful.” “I care about you.” “You’re my queen!”
Besides being lonely, many targeted victims are innately kind and generous. When they love someone they want to give. They can’t imagine that the caller has a different agenda. The caller wants them to drain their bank accounts, sell their homes, and wait for a partner who never comes.
Victims appreciate the affection and often also are genuinely kind. they feel bad when the caller is stranded on an oil rig or left behind by the US military after serving a mission. They think soldiers and sailors have to pay for going on leave or changing assignments.
Targets of a romance scam never seem to realize that being single isn’t the worst thing in the world. On some programs, the hosts even encourage this feeling. After the big reveal, they say reassuring things like, “I’m sure there’s a perfect person out there. Just date in your own community, don’t send anybody money, and make sure you can meet them.”
But if you’re “single at heart” you don’t get scammed in the first place.
You enjoy your own company. You don’t start dating because you assume it’s the only way to fill time. You don’t desperately hang on to that strangely-accented voice telling you how beautiful you are; the moment that voice turns to “I need money because my bank account has been frozen,” you realize you can live just fine without another person.
After all, why should you be the last resort for someone you’ve known less than six months? Don’t they have other friends? Or relatives?
Happy single people seem to be especially good at setting boundaries.
We learn fast. After all, people are always saying, “You’re single so you probably have lots of time on your hands.” Or, “You’re single so you won’t mind working late…or working on Christmas Eve…or handling this time-consuming chore for me.”
We guard our time not to be selfish, but because a single person isn’t necessarily put on earth to be everybody’s first responder.
If we have an empty week, we don’t have to fill it by dating.
And if a handsome stranger says, “If you don’t do this, you’ll never hear from me again,” a happily single person will look forward to more time with their dog, cat, art class, or gym time.
No, you can’t get money out of a “single at heart” person by threatening to leave them alone forever. They just might reply, “Is that a threat or a promise?”
