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Sunday morning, I woke up to dripping sounds. No big deal, I thought. I live on a top floor and love to hear the sound of rain pattering on the roof.
But this time there was water pattering in my kitchen. Luckily it wasn’t doing any damage: it was dripping into the sink and onto the floor. Still, I’ve never had a roof leak.
Our maintenance guy lent me some buckets and I called the emergency help line of our management company. It’s their issue because it’s from the roof…and that’s when I discovered roofers don’t work in the rain. Well, at least we didn’t get heavy rain and the dripping stopped for now.
But as I went on with my day, I thought about an article I’d read about the hassles of hiring help instead of DIY. The article warned that getting older would mean hiring more help and that was bad. I’ve also read about single people whose first thought was, “I wish I had a partner to deal with this.”
My first thought wasn’t, “I wish I had a partner,” but, “Who do I call for help?” And for me, that’s a familiar one.
Among my friends are two kinds of single-at-heart people: those who DIY everything and those who are very good at hiring for everything. I’m the latter.
Having no domestic skills, I’ve hired cleaning services all my life. Some have been (if I can put this delicately) better than others.
For the last eight or nine years, I had a fantastic cleaning guy. He didn’t just clean: he organized, fixed, and moved things. We were friends. But a few weeks ago he had a family crisis and now I have to start over, which is especially hard if you are a bad housekeeper. Some cleaning services prefer clients who keep house so well you wonder why they got help. With me, nobody ever wondered.
Given that changing a light bulb can be taxing for me, I also hire help to fix things. Frankly, I think it’s better: I once moved into a house where the previous owners were avid DIYers and I had to pay to undo everything they did.
I have a financial advisor and haven’t filled out a tax return in years. They find money in hidden places so I think I come out ahead.
So I’m afraid I can’t relate to the people who write about the challenges of hiring help as you age. I relate even less to those who turn to their partners when they hear a noise or see a mouse in the living room.
In the end, this is just one of the ways being single has prepared me for getting older.
I try to choose helpers who aren’t too disruptive or judgmental when they come into my home. I try to shrug when I make a mistake and have to change helpers. I’ve learned that you can’t always be friends with people you hire and you should never, ever assume your truest friends are those who can be unpaid helpers.
The only thing that bothers me is people who offer me help or wonder how I “manage.” People smother me with concern because I’m single and because I’m getting older: two categories that scream “helpless” to those who stereotype.
I’ve had complete strangers ask, “Do you need help?” when I’m waiting for a bus, trim and fit in my gym shorts. I tell myself they have some pathological need to help people, and if they can’t find anyone needy, they get desperate.
And I’ve often heard that single people have to learn to be self-sufficient, more than those who are partnered. But I’ve come to believe that knowing how to ask for help and how to hire specialists is also a form of self-sufficiency. Not neediness. Not compensation for being alone or getting older. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
