Image by Marvin Mayer on Unsplash.

In late 2021 I was on a group call related to podcasting. One woman mentioned that she had a podcast and was looking into doing something with TikTok. “Imagine, at 68 I’m using TikTok,” she said ironically.
A male member of the group replied, “Nice to see seniors getting involved in tech.”

You could hear the condescension dripping through the comment…which showed his ignorance.

Alas, he’s not alone.

A blog targeting women over sixty just recently ran a post about fear of technology among seniors.

A well-known blogging “expert” told a webinar audience – less than 3 years ago — not to bother starting a blog about retirement or aging.
“People that age don’t read blogs,” he said firmly.

Even worse, an ad for a software product showed a smiling little old lady (gray hair, wrinkles, sweet smile) with the caption, “So simple even Grandma could use it.” If I ran the world, that company would be prosecuted for hate crimes.

The truth is, you can’t assume people over 60 – or even over 80 – are clueless about tech. At a minimum, you may insult them and draw a scathing reply. At worst, you’ll set up a business to drive away prospective clients.

Here’s why.

(1) The association between age and tech is a cohort effect, not an age effect.

People who were 55 in 2021 would have been born in 1966. In January 1984, Apple ran its famous “1984” ad on Superbowl Sunday; that group would have been 18.

If they went to college, they’d be using computers by the time they graduated. Many jobs began requiring people to use computers, so they’d be using tech from the time they were in their twenties. Lots of people had laptops by 1990 when they would have been all of 24 years old.

That 68-year-old woman was born around 1953 at the earliest. She’d see that Apple commercial around age 30.

WordPress was released in 2003 when. she would be 50…still young enough to hold a responsible job, unless she took a hit with age discrimination.

We often see surveys tracking “elder” use of technology. These surveys are laughable.

When you compare people “65 and over” in 2011 with people “65 and over” in 2021, you’re comparing two different cohorts. The people who were “65 and up” in 2011 are not the same as people who were “65 and up” ten years later. There’s a big difference between generations born in 1934 vs 1944, or between 1944 and 1954.

Naturally we’ll see an increase in tech use, not because the older people are getting smarter. As tech-savvy people get older and become eligible for age discrimination, they’ll raise the tech literacy rate.

(2) The specific tech we use at any age will depend on their career and personal needs.

I’ve built websites but never used the group feature on cell phones because I never needed it.

Lots of people in their sixties and seventies are editing movies for their grandchildren; they may have family groups on their cellphones but lack interest in starting a blog.

I knew a 90-year-old man, trapped in a nursing home, who used cell phones, email, and a PC right up till he died. He had trouble with zoom, because he’d never used it. But he navigated the web and became very familiar with YouTube.

It is extremely cruel to perpetuate the image of seniors fearing tech.

People in their sixties and seventies – and even eighties and nineties – often want to keep working. They don’t need to fight outdated stereotypes.

Lots of “older” people have turned to online businesses because they weren’t accepted in the corporate world. The irony is, they’re juggling half a dozen types of software, creating blogs and podcasts, and using TikTok strategically to market their companies.

Ask a corporate HR department and they’d say, “Too old. They’d never learn tech.”

From my book: When I Get Old I Plan To Be A. Bitch. If you liked this esay you’ll love the book.

The post They’re not too old for tech: tech’s scared of them. appeared first on .

Image by Emma Simpson on Unsplash.

Every time I read posts in mastermind groups, I see the same refrains.

“I feel so lonely.”
“I don’t have anyone to share experiences with.”
“I just moved and I can’t make friends.”
“My grown children never call me. I’m thinking of moving closer to them.”

Well-meaning readers rush in with advice:
“Join a group where you’ll meet people.”
“Volunteer.”
“Find people like yourself.”

These tips rarely touch the real issue. Making friends—or learning to be content without them—requires a shift in mindset.

We’ve been taught some unhelpful stories:

“If I don’t have friends, something must be wrong with me.”

“I deserve friends; people should show up for me.”

I’ve moved often—across cities, careers, and communities. Every move meant losing connections and needing to start fresh. Over time I discovered a simple truth: “Friends are like bank loans. They come easily when you don’t need them.”

Here are three ways to rewrite your story.

1. Reframe being alone into embracing solitude.

We’re conditioned to see “social” as normal and “solitary” as abnormal. Yet Anthony Storr, a British psychiatrist, challenged this decades ago in his book, Solitude. He points out that Freud wrote of love and work. Yet society (and most psychologists) focus on love only.

If you enjoy your own company, loneliness rarely takes hold. You’re busy, engaged, and self-contained. And here’s the paradox: the more absorbed you are in your own pursuits, the more magnetic you become.

Neediness repels. Self-sufficiency attracts. I know people who complained endlessly that their kids never called—until they got so busy with their own projects that suddenly their phone wouldn’t stop ringing.

2. Choose activities for you, not for “future friends.”

People join churches, hobby clubs, or singles groups “because they’re good places to meet people.” Sometimes it works; often it doesn’t.

Why? Because the subtext is neediness. And when no friends materialize, the whole effort feels wasted.

Instead, pick activities you’d love regardless of the social payoff. Sports leagues, ceramics, improv, hiking—if you’d show up even if you didn’t meet a soul, you’re in the right place. Ironically, that’s also when friendships are most likely to form.

3. Recognize when the setting is wrong.

Some places make connection impossible. Certain cities are cliquish. Some cultures revolve entirely around family. Workplaces differ, too: in one office, everyone eats lunch alone; in another, you’re expected to treat coworkers as extended family.

You can’t rewire a culture. You might find a few like-minded souls, but you’ll always feel the friction.

That doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you. I’ve lived in cities where no one invited me into a circle, and in others where people saw me as “cool.” I was the same person.

If you’re tied down for work, you may need coping strategies until you can leave. One of my clients endured a remote posting by scheduling weekly coaching calls; otherwise, he said, he’d have quit—or lost his mind.

If you can move, don’t be shamed by the cliché, “If you can’t be happy here, you won’t be happy anywhere.” Sometimes the geographical cure is exactly what works.

Don’t believe the headlines.

Articles love to paint loneliness as inevitable, especially in older age. Look closer.

The National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine found that one-quarter of people over 65 report social isolation. That means three-quarters do not.

Another study from Boston College’s Sloan Center showed that 92% of people ages 55–64—and 76% of those 65 and older—were engaged in paid work, caregiving, volunteering, or learning.

The myth of inevitable decline is convenient for someone, but it’s not the truth.

Loneliness isn’t a life sentence. Solitude can be a strength, and friendships are easier when they’re not born of desperation.

This post was inspired by my book Making The Big Move (Kindle, also free on Kindle Unlimited). It’s about the psychology of moving. My other book on aging stereotypes also dives into the myths and statistics about “being old and lonely.”

The post Loneliness Isn’t a Life Sentence: Rethinking Solitude, Friendship, and the Places We Live appeared first on .

Image by Erik McLean on Unsplash

I’ve been on many long, cross-country drives. Sometimes you’re so tired you have to force yourself to stay awake. All you can think of is finding your exit and finding your motel in the dark, and you hope like hell they didn’t lose your reservation.

And sometimes you see signs, “Last exit in Nowheresville.” If you miss that exit, you’ll be driving for a while.

When you’re in a hospital or “care facility,” you could reach a point when you’re ready to stop. There’s no point in going on. You won’t make it to the next town. You want to grab that last exit. Of course, the kindly medical people want to keep you on the road, half-zonked and wholly miserable. You’re ready to take that exit and never get back on the road again.

That’s how I envision the end-of-life experience. You’re tired. You’ve been driving for a long time. You’re ready to crash somewhere and rest.

You don’t need someone to say, “But don’t you want to keep going? Get a few more miles before you call it a night.”

Those next few miles will be sheer misery. And if you don’t stop now, the ending might be a lot more ugly.

The best book on the subject comes from Susan Jacoby (Never Say Die). People who have no way to enjoy a meaningful life on their own terms should be allowed to leave on their own terms.

Jacoby tells the story of a man who was forced to replace “living alone” with “living with a caretaker.” One day the man stole the caretaker’s car keys, drove to the nearest bridge, and jumped.

It’s not suicide, says Jacoby. It’s a rational choice. He shouldn’t have been forced to jump off a bridge. Some people would have been happy with his life, but he wasn’t. He was ready to go. No amount of therapy or medications could change him.

In today’s world, you aren’t always protected by a DNR or advance directive.

ER doctors have been known to follow procedures first and ask questions later. Nobody knows how many of those “give me everything!” people were responding to exaggerated promises: “A few days and you’ll be back to normal.”

Somebody’s got to be there advocating for you — and in some cases, advocating pretty aggressively. It’s not enough to have that paper in your file. Your designated medical proxy is on vacation in Bali and you’re in New York? Too bad for you.

Here’s my proposal for achieving a comfortable End of Life.

First, you get to record your DNR as a tattoo or bracelet. Why should you need an in-person proxy when someone can link to your digital records? The IRS already has records of our past lives: you’ll be asked to remember where you lived twenty years ago when you’re claiming your refund. A tattoo could be a URL or a QR code linked to your living will.

Then, as mentioned earlier, the day you become eligible for Medicare and Social Security, you would be allowed to request your very own cyanide pill, to use as you like, whenever you like, no questions asked.

You would also be offered a gift certificate to a hitman in the nearest Mafia enclave. It’s quick and final. And for a little extra cash, your death will get written up as an accident or unsolved murder. For those who worry about their family’s guilt, this solution works perfectly.

As a marketing pro, I’d argue that giving out cyanide pills could end up making the elderly life worth living. If we could choose to die before we got to the nursing home, the homes would be empty. And the “care managers would be motivated to find a way to fill them up again.

Imagine the ad: “No need to take your cyanide pill! Come to Magnificent Manor.”

Of course, some of us would take the pill anyway. But I bet a lot of things would get a lot better.

NOTE: This is taken directly from my book on aging.

The post When it’s time to leave the party, send up a limo, not a bus. appeared first on .

Image by Paolo Nicolello on Unsplash.

A “resource guide” on the APA website claims, “Depression and suicide are significant public health issues for older adults. Depression is one of the most common mental disorders experienced by elders, but fortunately is treatable by a variety of means.”

Like many sources, this guide puts “depression and suicide” together. As a result, many “elders” are cruelly forced to live meaningless and painful lives.

While some “elders” may resort to suicide as a result of depression, the truth is that not all depressed people are suicidal, and not all suicide is the result of depression.

In some circumstances, especially among the “elderly,”  suicide can be viewed as a rational response to a condition that removes the person’s opportunity to live a pain-free, meaningful life.  Pain is not always responsive to treatment and side effects of medications can be so horrific as to take away all quality of life.

In 2015 the New York Times Magazine reported the suicide of Sandy Bem, a distinguished research psychologist diagnosed with Alzheimers. While she controlled her mind, she wanted to avoid the miserable life that lay ahead.

In her book Never Say Die, Susan Jacoby describes a man who could no longer live alone, after living in solitude for many years and valuing his privacy; he stole his caregiver’s car keys, drove to a bridge, and jumped. She argues that he should have had easier access to death, not psychiatric treatment.

Australian scientist David Goodall chose to die at age 104. He didn’t have a terminal illness or even a serious illness. But he’d just fallen in his own apartment, lying on the floor for two days till his housekeeper found him. His life was no longer meaningful.

“At my age, and even rather less than my age, one wants to be free to choose the death and when the death is the appropriate time,” he said.

These rational decisions are not the result of depression.

During WWII,  the CIA gave cyanide tablets to spy pilots who were in danger of crashing into POW camps. This may be a fantasy, but in some countries suicide pills were part of spy equipment.

In her wonderful book Prague Winter, Madeleine Albright shares the story of a female spy who swallowed her cyanide pill to avoid arrest and torture by Nazi soldiers. Sure, she had pain. But compared to her son, who was tortured and then killed, she got a cakewalk.

For many innocent elderly people, a nursing home will resemble a POW camp, but with no possibility of rescue and no opportunity to live a good life afterward.

Patrick Henry famously said, “Give me liberty or give me death.” Nobody said he needed to seek validation from a mental health professional.

In my book on aging in sneakers, I argue that everyone should get a cyanide pill when they turn 75, to use as they like.

I also suggest they receive a gift certification to the nearest Mafia hitman, who can make their death look like an accident (“just another shooting in South Philly”) to spare their families from unnecessary guilt. I’m not sure I’m joking.

This post comes from my book, When I Get Old I Plan To Be A Bitch.

The post They want to die. They’re not depressed. appeared first on .

Image by Jeremy Vessey on Unsplash.

From a really good murder mystery by Harry Bingham, Love Story, With Murders.

The detective heroine, Fiona Griffiths, seems to be in her 30s. On page 100, she writes:

“Then I stare at my face in the mirror for a minute, wondering if it feels like mine. In Bram Stooker’s Dracula, the dark count is invisible in mirrors and I often feel something similar is true of me too. I can’t feel any deep relationship between the face that is mine and the person I am. Like they’re two different things. I don’t know if this is something that everyone feels.”

That is exactly how I feel as I get older. I look in the mirror and realize the face doesn’t go with how I feel.

I get this when I watch an old Showtime series, Dead Like Me. The premise is that people who die may ascend directly to some upper worlds. Others must remain on earth, in a form loosely resembling their former selves but somewhat uglier. Somehow they have to find jobs, even though it’s not clear how they manage without formal identification. One character is a parking meter cop; the heroine works in her former job as a file clerk.

The heroine forgets she looks different. When she goes to her old home, her real mother shoos her away. She feels the same inside. Outsiders react to her as an ugly person they don’t know.

That’s exactly what being old feels like…like wearing a Halloween face mask you forget to take off and wondering why people are staring.

I’m not my face. I’m more like my butt. My butt is firm. An orthopedic doctor told me the best way to avoid hip fractures is to develop strong glutes. I have.

Alas, nobody looks at my butt, except maybe in the gym.

My butt says “thirties.” My face says, “Never mind.”

From When I Get Old I Plan To Be A Bitch.

The post “I don’t feel connected to that face.” appeared first on .

Image by Ylanite Koppens from Pixabay

When I think of “sage” I tend to think of spice you use on poultry. You can also sage your home to drive off the bad spirits.

When you think about it, assuming people over, say, sixty are “sages” can be just as stereotypical and destructive as assuming they’re technological idiots.

Where else do we ascribe good things to a demographic group, universally?

Hopefully we’re beyond saying:
“Black people have rhythm.”
“Asians are natural mathematicians and engineers.”
“Gay men are fashion experts.”

The last one cracks me up (even though Joan Rivers used to joke about it). I once had a gay neighbor who wore plumbers-crack jeans and oversize sleeveless t-shirts with holes.

So why do we say, “Older people …say, over sixty … are filled with wisdom?

(1) It’s just not true.

Not all people over a certain age are wise. Just take a look at some politicians around the world.

A sixty-plus woman can deny climate change, insist that abstinence is the cure for teen sex, and believe fervently that anyone who doesn’t share her beliefs will go straight to hell - literally.

Another sixty-plus woman can believe that we’re too puritanical, teens should be initiated into sex and there’s no such thing as hell.

(2) Giving people pseudo-respect comes across as patronizing.

“You’ve got experience. You have so much to offer!” resembles the way people speak to the five-year-old who stumbles across the stage in an ill-fitting ballet costume: “Wow - you’re such a good dancer, honey!”

(3) Who wants a sage in an ordinary workplace?

Not everyone over 60 will be qualified to be a Supreme Court Justice or Minority Leader of the US House of Representative or a professional basketball coach.

But millions of “older” people will seek opportunities to hold jobs or get clients for their own business. They want to be compensated based on the value they can deliver.

But who wants to hire a sage? Who wants to work alongside a sage?

Some writers are so committed to the “age and wisdom” connection, they invent definitions of wisdom. The New York Times published an article by John Leland, The Wisdom of the Aged.

The article quotes Monika Ardelt, a scholar who writes on aging: “Older people still have a lot to offer to us, even if only how to die and age gracefully.”

Sounds nice…but it’s yet another way to isolate and disparage “older people.”

For most of our lives, we aren’t interested in learning how to die and age gracefully. Businesses want to hire competent people who can pull their own weight and become good colleagues. They want someone who will be just another person…someone who will get along with others and contribute value to the organization.
Very few sustainable businesses offer to help people “die and age gracefully.” Most business owners aren’t interested.

Sadly, the stereotypes suggest it’s impossible for anyone over sixty to be “just another person.”
The stereotypes say, “Can’t learn tech.”

The less obvious stereotypes say, “Older people will be sages who will sit on their cushions on top of the mountain and utter sage words about the meaning of life.”

Assuming wisdom comes with age is just as stereotypical as assuming people automatically get mentally and physically weak as they age. The variance gets wider as people get older.

Next time you hear someone talk the value of the “wisdom” of an older person, stop and correct them. Some older people are wise. Some are, frankly, just the opposite.

And many just want an opportunity to be recognized for what they can contribute - their skills and expertise.

Age? Irrelevant.

The post “You’re so wise…” is not a compliment appeared first on .

When you know you’ve got two weeks left on a job, apartment lease, or military enlistment, your attitude shifts. You stop caring. After all, you’ll be long gone before anyone sees the results of what you’re doing.

People in this position are called “short-timers.” They find many ways to handle this role.

When you hit a certain age – somewhere north of 65 – you realize you’ve got only get so much time left.You may forge ahead anyway….or you might adopt a short-timer mentality.

That’s the kind of question everyone faces if they manage to live long enough. You become a short-timer at life.

(1) Some people get a short-timer mentality too early.

In a job, some people “retire” for the last two or three years of working. A few start the first day they arrive.

In life, some people start to panic as early as age 40.

“I’m getting older,” they say. “I have to slow down.”

In fact, the best thing for your physical and mental health might be to speed up. You might stay healthier when you push yourself physically. You (and maybe a professional advisor) know your mind and body.

(2) Some people ignore the time frame.

Olga Kotelko began training for track and field at 77. She continued winning medals for almost 20 years.

Alexander McCall Smith published his first crime novel at age 50 – not that old, really, but an age when some think of “early retirement.”

(3) Continuing to work isn’t the same as starting over;

Joan Rivers was still performing as a comic when she died at age 80. She probably would have continued for several years.

Bette Nash was flying for American Airlines at age 83 as of 2019 – i haven’t looked up her current status.

If you’re lucky enough to work in a field without age cut-offs, you can continue indefinitely. Many people want to.

(4) Being a short-timer isn’t just about age.

I once had a conversation with a young woman who survived a particularly deadly form of cancer. She knew she wouldn’t recover from a recurrence and she was always aware that death might be close by. She could have been a short-timer at thirty-two.

(5) Everyone responds differently to short-timer mentality. This approach is more helpful (and more respectful) than trotting out platitudes like, “It’s never too late.”

It’s about values – not actual time or age.

Some people start new projects even when they know they’re leaving a job soon. Some plant a garden in a house, knowing they’ll be moving on before they see the flowers bloom.

Others say, “How can I make the best use of the next two, three or twenty years…especially if I may have to leave early?”

Finally, we all know people who move into a house and say, “We won’t be here long so we won’t bother doing anything.”

Twenty years later, they’re living with sagging floors and worn-out appliances. They’re still saying, “We won’t be here long…”

The post Replace “never too late” with “being a short-timer” appeared first on .

Image from Jo Valery on Unsplash.

Becca Levy, a Harvard University professor, found that ageism “amplifies the cost and prevalence of health conditions,” i.e., makes more people sick and increases the cost of caring for them. Her
findings were published in an academic journal and reported in The New York Times.

I rarely go to doctors. And I’m NOT a doctor so nothing I say should be considered medical advice.

But I do know when my body needs a doctor. So a few weeks ago I visited two doctors – a PCP and a specialist – connected with a respected medical center in my city. They were both easy to deal with. The specialist wasn’t thrilled with my approach to health care (“show me a research paper and we’ll talk”). She wrote a snarky note in my portal.

Both of these doctors work in an extremely busy facility…one where you wait forever to get an appointment. To speed the process, they don’t leave their offices and greet you in the waiting room. They send a tech. So they don’t see how people get up from a chair and walk across the waiting room.

I understand. Every second counts. But this shortcut means they don’t get a sense of their patient’s overall health. Instead, they look at the chart and see a number – my age.

I’ve been working out regularly for the last forty or so years. I started with aerobics. One day my gym offered a weight training class for women who’d spent their lives avoiding weight rooms. I signed up.

I got hooked. I’ve been doing weight training ever since, along with yoga, barre, pilates, and zumba – depending on what classes were offered. I walk all over the city. I jump up on steps to ride buses. I can do jumping jacks in Zumba class. I get up from chairs.

But each doctor warned me, “Now don’t fall” as I got up to walk a few feet from the exam chair to the exit door. One doctor even assigned a tech to accompany me.

How did they think I got to their office? Have they never been on a lurching city bus?
My city is well-known for uneven brick sidewalks – historic and beautiful but potentially treacherous. How do they think I get around?

Apart from ageism, how can they make useful health recommendations?

There’s plenty of evidence that fitness affects everything from heart conditions to cognitive functioning to immune systems.

When you focus only on age, without paying attention to frailty and fitness, you get absurd results. You also get irritated patients who become “care avoiders” and vote for politicians who support assisted dying.

Ashton Applewhite suggested leaving age off medical charts. I’ll drink to that. I’ve been refusing to get on a scale for years – otherwise they’d have yet another point of stereotype.

If I were writing a science fiction novel about a world determined to get rid of old people, I’d start by setting up the medical system as ageist.

You’d see more cardiac arrest as “older” people stressed themselves out to resist stereotypes. You’d see hospitals set up to force “older” patients to remain in bed to avoid falls, thereby becoming even more frail and likely to fall. You’d see increased stress as informed patients challenge doctors on the need for tests and medications.

Oh wait…that’s the way it works now!

I like to talk about Willie Murphy. She’s the 82-year-old bodybuilder who attacked a burglar. Imagine: the burglar expected a helpless little old lady. Next thing he knew, she threw a table at him and started beating him up. The cops took selfies with her. The burglar was happy to see them, too; they weren’t allowed to do what Willie Murphy could.

When doctors get a notice, “Your next patient is 82,” they trot out all the stereotypes.

They need to remember, that 82-ear-old could be Willie Murphy…or at least someone who could never be described as “frail.” Be prepared.

The post Ageism costs the health care system $63 billion a year. So why do doctors keep doing it? appeared first on .

Image based oon Joshua Coleman on Unsplash.

They seem harmless, don’t they? But they’re lethal.

A recent Medium article shared this joke:
“When I was young I enjoyed a bowl of Rice Krispies. Now when I get up in the morning, I just sound like one.”

The idea is that aging joints sound like “snap, crackle and pop.”

You’ll also find jokes about older people who try to order takeout from a mailbox, paint their computer screen with whiteout, or can’t figure out how to use their cell phones. And you’ll get jokes about older people who can’t get off the floor, take afternoon naps or see their body parts slowly heading south.

The problem with these jokes is that they’re not harmless.

They support age discrimination, which ultimately harms older people economically, medically and socially.

(1) You don’t know who’s going to hear that joke.

A prospective employer remembers “the old lady who couldn’t figure out the computer” and concludes, “people over sixty are going to resist technology.”

A doctor sees jokes about people who live with aching joints, get out of shape, and fall a lot. Next time an “older” person shows up at the clinic, the staff treats them like a five-year-old who needs help walking from the waiting room to the office.

People attending a social event ignore anyone who looks “older,” figuring they’re frail and retired. What could they possibly want to talk about?

(2) These jokes suggest that physical problems inevitably accompany old age.

People at any age can encounter health problems, through no fault of their own. Some have genetic conditions that can’t be fixed.

But many people of any age can challenge themselves to be healthier and more fit. Often the barriers involve money and time, not age.

If you’re trying to raise three kids, living paycheck to paycheck, you probably lack the resources to start an exercise program. If you can afford a gym membership and maybe a personal trainer, you can make incredible progress.

A lot of times it’s all about beliefs. Read about Ellen Langer’s famous experiment, Clockwise. She invited older men to spend two weeks in a monastery, outfitted to take them back thirty years in time. By the end of the two weeks, their physiology changed measurably.

The BBC replicated that experiment with well-known men and women, achieving similar results. One woman stumbled into the building with two canes; she left walking proudly with just one cane.

If you allow yourself to take it easy because “What do you expect at this age?” (a question doctors love to ask), you’ll move less. You stop challenging yourself to push forward mentally and physically. And sure enough, you decline.

Ahd that’s not funny.

When you’re telling a joke, ask, “Would this joke be funny if it featured a younger person?”

For instance, there’s a whole series of jokes that go like this:

Critical person (who could be a wife, doctor or nosy friend): You need to eat more vegetables, stop watching so much television and get some exercise.

Response: “Why?”

Critical person: “So you’ll live longer.”

Response: “Why?”

That’s not a joke about getting old. It’s about quality vs. quantity of life. It would be funny if the response came from a 40-year-old.

Here’s another:

Bureaucrat: “We need to see proof that you’re over sixty.”

Person: “I came here last year. It should be in your records.”

Bureaucreat: “We need to see proof every year.”

Person: “I’m not getting any younger.”

This joke is about the stupidity of bureaucracy, not age.

Bottom Line: Humor can harm. It can even kill. People with a positive image of aging will live longer…and enjoy it.

Next time you hear an unfunny joke about aging, challenge yourself to speak up. You wouldn’t tolerate jokes about Black people, disabled people, Asian people or gay people. Why allow “old jokes” to become a staple of magazines, late-night comics and even Medium articles?

The post Why Jokes About Old People Are Not Funny appeared first on .

Photo by Sora Shimazaki on Pexels.

Columnist Liz Ryan addressed this topic several years ago in this Forbes article. She got a call from someone who was in shock: “The headhunter actually told me the client said I was too old for this job.”

You can’t sue, as she points out.

Does a third party say a hiring manager made a single inappropriate comment? Forget it. “Failure to hire” is almost impossible to prove, unless the company hired someone who was totally unqualified.

“I hear more examples of age discrimination than I hear of sex discrimination, racial discrimination, and every other kind put together,” she says.

Liz speculates that employers don’t see older people as “nimble.” Or they view them “overqualified and likely to bolt the minute a better job comes along.

Her advice? When you understand “what business pain you solve and can talk to hiring managers about that pain, they can’t afford to ignore you.”

I’d say that is ridiculous.

Most of the time the hiring manager won’t even hear you. All they’ll hear is your age and all they’ll see are your wrinkles and gray hair. And not every job lends itself to a discussion of “pain points.”

She admits pain interviewing isn’t a cure, “but it’ll give you a focus and an edge that will make discrimination a non-factor in your job search.”

Nonsense!

Discrimination will always be a factor. Even if you’re hired, your age will be visible, on the line, and open to discussion.

Dan Lyons wrote a book, Disrupted, about his experiences working at Hubspot. He didn’t have to go through the hiring process in the normal way. The company president invited him to work with them in a special capacity.

But once on board, he encountered many age-based frustrations — everything from being assigned a workstation with a ball instead of a chair (he got them switched) to being ignored in favor of less experienced colleagues.

For instance, a New York Times business columnist wanted to interview the company president. Dan, an experienced journalist, knew the columnist. He offered to help prepare for the interview – a rare opportunity – to gain maximum positive exposure for the company. He was ignored, while the inexperienced younger staff planned the interview.

I don’t blame Liz Ryan for suggesting upbeat, positive approaches. When you’re presenting in major media or speaking formally, you are expected to share some of the “party line.” That’s what you get here: You can overcome these obstacles if you’re just sufficiently clever.

There’s really only one way to overcome job discrimination, especially age discrimination. That means not depending on getting hired by a company, where you have minimal control in the hiring process.

Start a side hustle and let it grow into a business. Even if you end up getting hired, keep up the side hustle.

Do you fail? No problem. You’ll get better or learn for next time. You’ll approach these jobs more confidently and frankly, you won’t care if they discriminate. You’ll be able to say confidently, “It’s their loss.”

Get a start with Chris Guillebeau’s book, Side Hustle. Hang out in coworking spaces and talk to people who navigated self-employment. Consider hiring a coach or consultant.

Most of all listen to your intuition. When I interviewed 12 people about their transition from corporation to self-employment, the one consistent piece of advice was, “Listen to your intuition.”

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