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		<title>&#8220;Elderly&#8221; Does Not Mean Poor, Lonely Or Deprived</title>
		<link>https://aginginsneakers.com/4206/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[CathyG]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 18 Apr 2026 20:38:46 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[also in medium]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relocation]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://aginginsneakers.com/?p=4206</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>Headlines about “most elderly people” say more about stereotypes than reality The New York Times just published an article titled &#8220;What Most Elderly People Need.&#8221; The article discusses community health workers who help people in rural areas who are financially and often medically challenged as they age. Those people certainly deserve support. It may even make [&#8230;]</p>
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										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div id="attachment_4208" style="width: 810px" class="wp-caption aligncenter"><img loading="lazy" aria-describedby="caption-attachment-4208" decoding="async" class="size-full wp-image-4208" src="https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/pexels-mahmoud-yahyaoui-35713116.jpg" alt="" width="800" height="533" srcset="https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/pexels-mahmoud-yahyaoui-35713116.jpg 800w, https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/pexels-mahmoud-yahyaoui-35713116-480x320.jpg 480w" sizes="(min-width: 0px) and (max-width: 480px) 480px, (min-width: 481px) 800px, 100vw" /><p id="caption-attachment-4208" class="wp-caption-text">Photo by Mahmoud Yahya on Pexels.</p></div>
<p><span id="more-4206"></span>Headlines about “most elderly people” say more about stereotypes than reality</p>
<p>The New York Times just<a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2026/04/18/health/community-health-care-workers.html?unlocked_article_code=1.b1A.N-Pb.WfgW5YgdKems&amp;smid=url-share"> published an article titled</a> &#8220;What Most Elderly People Need.&#8221;</p>
<p data-start="1028" data-end="1297">The article discusses community health workers who help people in rural areas who are financially and often medically challenged as they age. Those people certainly deserve support. It may even make sense to create variations of that support for cities and suburbs.</p>
<p data-start="1299" data-end="1671">But why does the article say “most elderly people?&#8221; I realize it is hard to come up with a compact headline that refers to people who are challenged in different ways. Still, this article appears in the New York Times, a newspaper whose readership skews urban, educated, and far from poor. Few of those readers will qualify for, or even want, community outreach services.</p>
<p data-start="1673" data-end="1764"><strong>Well-meaning people will glance at the article and conclude that anyone over 65 needs help.</strong></p>
<p data-start="1766" data-end="2129">That leads to ridiculous and annoying interactions. For instance, I was happily walking home from a barre class when a stranger approached me and asked, “Do you need help?” I asked why she thought I did. She said, “You look old. My mother is old. She needs help. So I figured you did too.” It had never occurred to her that older people differ widely in whether they need help.</p>
<p data-start="2131" data-end="2510">I once saw an article about how Philadelphia is tough on older people. It turned out the city is tough on <em>poor</em> older people. In fact, any place is hard for people of any age who face financial challenges. I know plenty of people in their 70s, 80s, and 90s who would not trade their Philadelphia homes for a palace anywhere else. We see Philly as a great place to live at any age.</p>
<p data-start="2512" data-end="2584">The worst thing about these articles is that they reinforce stereotypes.</p>
<p data-start="2586" data-end="2773">An older person is assumed to be poor, isolated, and frail. Someone commented on the article suggesting that “older” people need extra help with insurance claims and payments.</p>
<p data-start="2775" data-end="3131">Aside from the fact that traditional Medicare involves relatively little paperwork, especially if you have a good insurance agent, insurance problems are hardly unique to older people. Even medical professionals struggle with insurance when they are the patient rather than the caregiver. And not everyone over 65, or even over 80, is cognitively impaired.</p>
<p data-start="3133" data-end="3243"><strong>People in their 80s and 90s are running companies and running marathons. They manage their finances just fine.</strong></p>
<p data-start="3245" data-end="3590">Stories that claim to be about “most old people” are almost always false. A well-known saying among geriatricians is, “If you’ve seen one 80-year-old, you’ve seen one 80-year-old.”</p>
<p data-start="824" data-end="1137">There is no need to accept these stereotypes or give more ammunition to employers, services, and businesses that profit from defining older people in outdated ways. “Most elderly people” actually describes far fewer people than we are led to believe.</p>
<p data-start="1139" data-end="1457">
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
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		<title>This elder is not part of your history project</title>
		<link>https://aginginsneakers.com/3897/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[CathyG]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 29 Nov 2025 21:41:47 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[also in medium]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[not the real me]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[pollyanna views of aging]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[stereotypes of aging]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://aginginsneakers.com/?p=3897</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>The New York Times recently rolled out yet another method for “torturing older people”: five questions to ask your elders over the holidays, all in the name of preserving oral history. Nobody asked the elders if they wanted to be interrogated. Personally, I’d be less than thrilled if someone leaned over my plate and asked, [&#8230;]</p>
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										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div id="attachment_3900" style="width: 810px" class="wp-caption aligncenter"><img aria-describedby="caption-attachment-3900" decoding="async" loading="lazy" class="size-full wp-image-3900" src="https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/11/cat-reading.jpg" alt="" width="800" height="533" srcset="https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/11/cat-reading.jpg 800w, https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/11/cat-reading-480x320.jpg 480w" sizes="(min-width: 0px) and (max-width: 480px) 480px, (min-width: 481px) 800px, 100vw" /><p id="caption-attachment-3900" class="wp-caption-text">Image by Irit Keynan on Unsplash.</p></div>
<p><span id="more-3897"></span></p>
<p data-start="228" data-end="414">The New York Times recently rolled out <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2025/11/24/well/interviewing-older-relatives-questions.html?unlocked_article_code=1.4k8.-C9c.xOwI2pecq2Wo&amp;smid=url-share">yet another method</a> for “torturing older people”: five questions to ask your elders over the holidays, all in the name of preserving oral history.</p>
<p data-start="416" data-end="476">Nobody asked the elders if they wanted to be interrogated.</p>
<p data-start="478" data-end="681">Personally, I’d be less than thrilled if someone leaned over my plate and asked, “When did you get into trouble?” or, “Who were the loves of your life?” That’s not oral history. That’s just being nosy.</p>
<p data-start="683" data-end="762">Want to dig into the past? Fine—ask about the world fifty or sixty years ago:</p>
<ul data-start="764" data-end="1154">
<li data-start="764" data-end="844">
<p data-start="766" data-end="844">“Is it true people actually had legroom on airplanes and dressed up to fly?”</p>
</li>
<li data-start="845" data-end="939">
<p data-start="847" data-end="939">“Did women really get dressed to go shopping…because you couldn’t just order from Amazon?”</p>
</li>
<li data-start="940" data-end="1006">
<p data-start="942" data-end="1006">“Were there separate ‘help wanted’ columns for men and women?”</p>
</li>
<li data-start="1007" data-end="1063">
<p data-start="1009" data-end="1063">“Did women really cook and clean for the household?”</p>
</li>
<li data-start="1064" data-end="1154">
<p data-start="1066" data-end="1154">“And people actually said, ‘Be a teacher or a secretary and you’ll always have work’?”</p>
</li>
</ul>
<p data-start="1156" data-end="1239">Honestly? Those memories are depressing. Sure, they’re historical, but who cares?</p>
<p data-start="1241" data-end="1559">And don’t get me started on the advice questions. “What advice would you give your former self?” My former self was too stubborn to listen, so thanks but no. “Advice for today?” Please. If you want advice, pay for it—and not from me. As I wrote in <a href="https://amzn.to/3Y3H86x"><em data-start="1489" data-end="1526">When I Get Old I Plan to Be a Bitch</em></a>, “I’m a smart-ass…not a sage.”</p>
<p data-start="1561" data-end="1918">If I’m in a mixed-age group (which I usually am), I don’t want to dredge up the past. I want to talk about mutual interests: art, movies, my current obsession with Italian murder mysteries, your trip to Rome, my trip to Aosta (a place nobody’s heard of). I don’t need a reminder that I’ve been around the block—unless someone’s hiring me for my expertise.</p>
<p data-start="1920" data-end="2102">And if we’re at a dinner party (which I avoid like the plague), my focus is simple: figure out how to eat dessert and escape before everyone else turns boring, drunk, or obnoxious.</p>
<hr data-start="2104" data-end="2107" />
<h3 data-start="2109" data-end="2129"></h3>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>https://www.nytimes.com/2025/11/24/well/interviewing-older-relatives-questions.html?unlocked_article_code=1.4k8.-C9c.xOwI2pecq2Wo&#038;smid=url-share</p>
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		<title>They&#8217;re not too old for tech: tech&#8217;s scared of them.</title>
		<link>https://aginginsneakers.com/1178/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[CathyG]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 10 Sep 2025 19:05:52 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[also in medium]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[stereotypes of aging]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://aginginsneakers.com/?p=1178</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>In late 2021 I was on a group call related to podcasting. One woman mentioned that she had a podcast and was looking into doing something with TikTok. &#8220;Imagine, at 68 I&#8217;m using TikTok,&#8221; she said ironically. A male member of the group replied, &#8220;Nice to see seniors getting involved in tech.&#8221; You could hear [&#8230;]</p>
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]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div id="attachment_1410" style="width: 810px" class="wp-caption aligncenter"><a href="https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/marvin-meyer-SYTO3xs06fU-unsplash-1.jpg"><img aria-describedby="caption-attachment-1410" decoding="async" loading="lazy" class="size-full wp-image-1410" src="https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/marvin-meyer-SYTO3xs06fU-unsplash-1.jpg" alt="aging and technology ageism " width="800" height="533" srcset="https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/marvin-meyer-SYTO3xs06fU-unsplash-1.jpg 800w, https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/marvin-meyer-SYTO3xs06fU-unsplash-1-480x320.jpg 480w" sizes="(min-width: 0px) and (max-width: 480px) 480px, (min-width: 481px) 800px, 100vw" /></a><p id="caption-attachment-1410" class="wp-caption-text">Image by Marvin Mayer on Unsplash.</p></div>
<p><span id="more-1178"></span></p>
<p>In late 2021 I was on a group call related to podcasting. One woman mentioned that she had a podcast and was looking into doing something with TikTok. &#8220;Imagine, at 68 I&#8217;m using TikTok,&#8221; she said ironically.<br />
A male member of the group replied, &#8220;Nice to see seniors getting involved in tech.&#8221;</p>
<p>You could hear the condescension dripping through the comment&#8230;which showed his ignorance.</p>
<p>Alas, he&#8217;s not alone.</p>
<p>A blog targeting women over sixty just recently ran a post about fear of technology among seniors.</p>
<p>A well-known blogging &#8220;expert&#8221; told a webinar audience &#8211; less than 3 years ago &#8212; not to bother starting a blog about retirement or aging.<br />
&#8220;People that age don&#8217;t read blogs,&#8221; he said firmly.</p>
<p>Even worse, an ad for a software product showed a smiling little old lady (gray hair, wrinkles, sweet smile) with the caption, &#8220;So simple even Grandma could use it.&#8221; If I ran the world, that company would be prosecuted for hate crimes.</p>
<p>The truth is, you can&#8217;t assume people over 60 &#8211; or even over 80 &#8211; are clueless about tech. At a minimum, you may insult them and draw a scathing reply. At worst, you&#8217;ll set up a business to drive away prospective clients.</p>
<p>Here&#8217;s why.</p>
<p>(1) The association between age and tech is a cohort effect, not an age effect.</p>
<p>People who were 55 in 2021 would have been born in 1966. In January 1984, Apple ran its famous &#8220;1984&#8221; ad on Superbowl Sunday; that group would have been 18.</p>
<p>If they went to college, they&#8217;d be using computers by the time they graduated. Many jobs began requiring people to use computers, so they&#8217;d be using tech from the time they were in their twenties. Lots of people had laptops by 1990 when they would have been all of 24 years old.</p>
<p>That 68-year-old woman was born around 1953 at the earliest. She&#8217;d see that Apple commercial around age 30.</p>
<p>WordPress was released in 2003 when. she would be 50&#8230;still young enough to hold a responsible job, unless she took a hit with age discrimination.</p>
<p>We often see surveys tracking &#8220;elder&#8221; use of technology. These surveys are laughable.</p>
<p>When you compare people &#8220;65 and over&#8221; in 2011 with people &#8220;65 and over&#8221; in 2021, you&#8217;re comparing two different cohorts. The people who were &#8220;65 and up&#8221; in 2011 are not the same as people who were &#8220;65 and up&#8221; ten years later. There&#8217;s a big difference between generations born in 1934 vs 1944, or between 1944 and 1954.</p>
<p>Naturally we&#8217;ll see an increase in tech use, not because the older people are getting smarter. As tech-savvy people get older and become eligible for age discrimination, they&#8217;ll raise the tech literacy rate.</p>
<p>(2) The specific tech we use at any age will depend on their career and personal needs.</p>
<p>I&#8217;ve built websites but never used the group feature on cell phones because I never needed it.</p>
<p>Lots of people in their sixties and seventies are editing movies for their grandchildren; they may have family groups on their cellphones but lack interest in starting a blog.</p>
<p>I knew a 90-year-old man, trapped in a nursing home, who used cell phones, email, and a PC right up till he died. He had trouble with zoom, because he&#8217;d never used it. But he navigated the web and became very familiar with YouTube.</p>
<p>It is extremely cruel to perpetuate the image of seniors fearing tech.</p>
<p>People in their sixties and seventies &#8211; and even eighties and nineties &#8211; often want to keep working. They don&#8217;t need to fight outdated stereotypes.</p>
<p>Lots of &#8220;older&#8221; people have turned to online businesses because they weren&#8217;t accepted in the corporate world. The irony is, they&#8217;re juggling half a dozen types of software, creating blogs and podcasts, and using TikTok strategically to market their companies.</p>
<p>Ask a corporate HR department and they&#8217;d say, &#8220;Too old. They&#8217;d never learn tech.&#8221;</p>
<p>From my book: <a href="https://amzn.to/3JTXjjk">When I Get Old I Plan To Be A. Bitch</a>. If you liked this esay you&#8217;ll love the book.</p>
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		<title>Loneliness Isn’t a Life Sentence: Rethinking Solitude, Friendship, and the Places We Live</title>
		<link>https://aginginsneakers.com/1164/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[CathyG]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 09 Sep 2025 13:30:12 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[also in medium]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[single life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[stereotypes of aging]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://aginginsneakers.com/?p=1164</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>Every time I read posts in mastermind groups, I see the same refrains. “I feel so lonely.”“I don’t have anyone to share experiences with.”“I just moved and I can’t make friends.”“My grown children never call me. I’m thinking of moving closer to them.” Well-meaning readers rush in with advice:“Join a group where you’ll meet people.”“Volunteer.”“Find [&#8230;]</p>
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]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div id="attachment_3015" style="width: 810px" class="wp-caption aligncenter"><img aria-describedby="caption-attachment-3015" decoding="async" loading="lazy" class="size-full wp-image-3015" src="https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/emma-simpson-mNGaaLeWEp0-unsplash.jpg" alt="" width="800" height="533" srcset="https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/emma-simpson-mNGaaLeWEp0-unsplash.jpg 800w, https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/emma-simpson-mNGaaLeWEp0-unsplash-480x320.jpg 480w" sizes="(min-width: 0px) and (max-width: 480px) 480px, (min-width: 481px) 800px, 100vw" /><p id="caption-attachment-3015" class="wp-caption-text">Image by Emma Simpson on Unsplash.</p></div>
<p data-start="302" data-end="374"><span id="more-1164"></span>Every time I read posts in mastermind groups, I see the same refrains.</p>
<p data-start="376" data-end="575"><em data-start="376" data-end="397">“I feel so lonely.”</em><br data-start="397" data-end="400" /><em data-start="400" data-end="450">“I don’t have anyone to share experiences with.”</em><br data-start="450" data-end="453" /><em data-start="453" data-end="495">“I just moved and I can’t make friends.”</em><br data-start="495" data-end="498" /><em data-start="498" data-end="573">“My grown children never call me. I’m thinking of moving closer to them.”</em></p>
<p data-start="577" data-end="715">Well-meaning readers rush in with advice:<br data-start="618" data-end="621" /><em data-start="621" data-end="663">“Join a group where you’ll meet people.”</em><br data-start="663" data-end="666" /><em data-start="666" data-end="680">“Volunteer.”</em><br data-start="680" data-end="683" /><em data-start="683" data-end="713">“Find people like yourself.”</em></p>
<p data-start="717" data-end="841">These tips rarely touch the real issue. Making friends—or learning to be content without them—requires a shift in mindset.</p>
<p data-start="843" data-end="886">We’ve been taught some unhelpful stories:</p>
<p data-start="890" data-end="953"><em data-start="890" data-end="951">“If I don’t have friends, something must be wrong with me.”</em></p>
<p data-start="956" data-end="1010"><em data-start="956" data-end="1008">“I deserve friends; people should show up for me.”</em></p>
<p data-start="1012" data-end="1252">I’ve moved often—across cities, careers, and communities. Every move meant losing connections and needing to start fresh. Over time I discovered a simple truth: “Friends are like bank loans. They come easily when you don’t need them.”</p>
<p data-start="1254" data-end="1298">Here are three ways to rewrite your story.</p>
<h4 data-start="1305" data-end="1359">1. Reframe being alone into embracing solitude.</h4>
<p data-start="1360" data-end="1583">We’re conditioned to see “social” as normal and “solitary” as abnormal. Yet Anthony Storr, a British psychiatrist, challenged this decades ago in his book, <a href="https://amzn.to/47xZSRR">Solitude</a>. He points out that Freud wrote of love <em>and</em> work. Yet society (and most psychologists) focus on love only.</p>
<p data-start="1585" data-end="1791">If you enjoy your own company, loneliness rarely takes hold. You’re busy, engaged, and self-contained. And here’s the paradox: the more absorbed you are in your own pursuits, the more magnetic you become.</p>
<p data-start="1793" data-end="2003">Neediness repels. Self-sufficiency attracts. I know people who complained endlessly that their kids never called—until they got so busy with their own projects that suddenly their phone wouldn’t stop ringing.</p>
<h4 data-start="2010" data-end="2072">2. Choose activities for <em>you</em>, not for “future friends.”</h4>
<p data-start="2073" data-end="2211">People join churches, hobby clubs, or singles groups “because they’re good places to meet people.” Sometimes it works; often it doesn’t.</p>
<p data-start="2213" data-end="2317">Why? Because the subtext is neediness. And when no friends materialize, the whole effort feels wasted.</p>
<p data-start="2319" data-end="2572">Instead, pick activities you’d love regardless of the social payoff. Sports leagues, ceramics, improv, hiking—if you’d show up even if you didn’t meet a soul, you’re in the right place. Ironically, that’s also when friendships are most likely to form.</p>
<h4 data-start="2579" data-end="2625">3. Recognize when the setting is wrong.</h4>
<p data-start="2626" data-end="2882">Some places make connection impossible. Certain cities are cliquish. Some cultures revolve entirely around family. Workplaces differ, too: in one office, everyone eats lunch alone; in another, you’re expected to treat coworkers as extended family.</p>
<p data-start="2884" data-end="2990">You can’t rewire a culture. You might find a few like-minded souls, but you’ll always feel the friction.</p>
<p data-start="2992" data-end="3167">That doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you. I’ve lived in cities where no one invited me into a circle, and in others where people saw me as “cool.” I was the same person.</p>
<p data-start="3169" data-end="3381">If you’re tied down for work, you may need coping strategies until you can leave. One of my clients endured a remote posting by scheduling weekly coaching calls; otherwise, he said, he’d have quit—or lost his mind.</p>
<p data-start="3383" data-end="3548">If you can move, don’t be shamed by the cliché, <em data-start="3431" data-end="3491">“If you can’t be happy here, you won’t be happy anywhere.”</em> Sometimes the geographical cure is exactly what works.</p>
<h4 data-start="3555" data-end="3590">Don’t believe the headlines.</h4>
<p data-start="3591" data-end="3679">Articles love to paint loneliness as inevitable, especially in older age. Look closer.</p>
<p data-start="3681" data-end="3848"><a href="https://www.notion.so/National-Academies-of-Sciences-Engineering-and-Medicine-2020-Social-Isolation-and-Loneliness-in--dca0cba19cd44be3a3eb94bab1d84a74">The National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine</a> found that one-quarter of people over 65 report social isolation. That means three-quarters do not.</p>
<p data-start="3850" data-end="4033"><a href="https://www.nextavenue.org/after-55-key-staying-engaged/">Another study</a> from Boston College’s Sloan Center showed that 92% of people ages 55–64—and 76% of those 65 and older—were engaged in paid work, caregiving, volunteering, or learning.</p>
<p data-start="4035" data-end="4118">The myth of inevitable decline is convenient for someone, but it’s not the truth.</p>
<p data-start="4125" data-end="4253">Loneliness isn’t a life sentence. Solitude can be a strength, and friendships are easier when they’re not born of desperation.</p>
<p data-start="4255" data-end="4459">This post was inspired by my book<a href="https://amzn.to/46f4dam"> <em data-start="4289" data-end="4310">Making The Big Move</em></a> (Kindle, also free on Kindle Unlimited). It&#8217;s about the psychology of moving. My <a href="https://amzn.to/46hasuj">other book on aging stereotypes</a> also dives into the myths and statistics about “being old and lonely.”</p>
<p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://aginginsneakers.com/1164/">Loneliness Isn’t a Life Sentence: Rethinking Solitude, Friendship, and the Places We Live</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://aginginsneakers.com"></a>.</p>
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		<title>The Longevity Illusion: Why Diet and Exercise Won’t Save You</title>
		<link>https://aginginsneakers.com/3776/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[CathyG]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 20 Aug 2025 18:04:04 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[also in medium]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[medical care]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[medical information]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://aginginsneakers.com/?p=3776</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>As you get older, you get buried under advice about how to live longer, healthier, and stronger. Doctors, researchers, and lifestyle gurus all insist they’ve cracked the code. Take this recent Washington Post interview with Eric Topol, a cardiologist who’s studied aging. He declares: “Of all the things we know about, the one that rises [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://aginginsneakers.com/3776/">The Longevity Illusion: Why Diet and Exercise Won’t Save You</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://aginginsneakers.com"></a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div id="attachment_3777" style="width: 810px" class="wp-caption aligncenter"><img aria-describedby="caption-attachment-3777" decoding="async" loading="lazy" class="size-full wp-image-3777" src="https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/Depositphotos_713154206_XL.jpg" alt="" width="800" height="534" srcset="https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/Depositphotos_713154206_XL.jpg 800w, https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/Depositphotos_713154206_XL-480x320.jpg 480w" sizes="(min-width: 0px) and (max-width: 480px) 480px, (min-width: 481px) 800px, 100vw" /><p id="caption-attachment-3777" class="wp-caption-text">Image from Depositphotos.</p></div>
<p><span id="more-3776"></span>As you get older, you get buried under advice about how to live longer, healthier, and stronger. Doctors, researchers, and lifestyle gurus all insist they’ve cracked the code.</p>
<p>Take this recent <a href="https://www.notion.so/podcast-to-listen-https-www-mogawdat-com-podcast-episode-476b3119-elisa-haggarty-how-to-stop-bei-a3155ed6f88245bba44c61a99fadc779?pvs=21"><em>Washington Post</em> interview with Eric Topol,</a> a cardiologist who’s studied aging. He declares:</p>
<p>“Of all the things we know about, the one that rises to the very top is exercise.”</p>
<p>Sounds pretty clear, right?</p>
<p>But then you notice the photo—Topol smiling in front of a beautiful beach house, resistance bands in hand. Readers were quick to point out what he didn’t say: socio-economic privilege is one of the strongest predictors of longevity. Money buys you not just a beach house, but also good healthcare, safe neighborhoods, and the time to exercise. .</p>
<p>Even if Topol is right with large numbers and averages, reality is a lot messier. Professional athletes also get dementia, cancer, hearing loss, vision loss, and wrecked joints. I once knew a Marine Corps captain who retired at 50 with tendons so shredded he could barely walk.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, plenty of people who “do everything wrong” beat the odds. Everyone knows the 80-year-old smoker who outlives their clean-living siblings. I knew one myself—two packs a day, no cancer, no heart disease, no diabetes.</p>
<p>Statisticians call this mistake <strong>survivorship bias</strong>. You only hear about the winners.</p>
<p>Books on millionaire habits celebrate those who struck gold, while ignoring the thousands who followed the same rules and stayed broke. The same happens with health. We admire 90-year-old joggers, but forget about the runners who dropped dead at 60.</p>
<p>Yes, exercise and diet <em>can</em> increase your odds. But heredity, environment, access to healthcare, and sheer dumb luck play at least as big a role. “Blue zones,” those mystical places of longevity, don’t just share lifestyles—they share gene pools.</p>
<p>For me, the real case for exercise is more like Pascal’s Wager. Blaise Pascal was a 17th century philosopher who argued that believing in God was the best bet: if God exists, you win heaven; if not, you lose little. So you might as well engage in all those holy behaviors.</p>
<p>Exercise works the same way. I feel better and move better when I exercise.  And it serves my vanity to be told how fit I look.</p>
<p>But let’s be honest: when it comes to long-term health, the whole thing is a crapshoot. Genes, accidents, random mutations, bad air—none of it is under your control.</p>
<p>When someone lives a long, “healthy” life, we say, “They did everything right.” When someone falls ill or dies young, we blame them for not taking care of themselves. Both views are delusions of order in a world run by chance.</p>
<p>So yes, I’ll keep exercising. But I wouldn’t be shocked if I end up with the same heart disease, cancer, or dementia as the guy who lived on fried food and cigarettes. The difference? At least I’ll have felt a little better along the way.</p>
<p>I wrote about fitness in my book: <a href="https://amzn.to/4lUDntH">When I Get Old I Plan to Be a Bitch.</a> Available as a paperback or ebook.</p>
<p><!-- notionvc: 3f60c20b-fb96-4f06-b35e-326ea4ebfbf1 --></p>
<p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://aginginsneakers.com/3776/">The Longevity Illusion: Why Diet and Exercise Won’t Save You</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://aginginsneakers.com"></a>.</p>
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		<title>Are You Writing to Heal or to Help? Why Some Stories Belong in Your Journal, Not Your Bl</title>
		<link>https://aginginsneakers.com/3654/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[CathyG]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 18 Jun 2025 19:45:11 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[also in medium]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[booknotes]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[stereotypes of aging]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://aginginsneakers.com/?p=3654</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>Many years ago, psychologist James Pennebaker discovered that journaling could lead to stronger mental health outcomes. People who wrote about their deepest feelings often reported feeling better—sometimes for days afterward. One of his books is Opening Up by Writing It Down. The takeaway was clear: writing to express emotions can be deeply therapeutic. The more [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://aginginsneakers.com/3654/">Are You Writing to Heal or to Help? Why Some Stories Belong in Your Journal, Not Your Bl</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://aginginsneakers.com"></a>.</p>
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<p><span id="more-3654"></span></p>
<p data-start="324" data-end="624">Many years ago, psychologist James Pennebaker discovered that journaling could lead to stronger mental health outcomes. People who wrote about their deepest feelings often reported feeling better—sometimes for days afterward. One of his books is <em data-start="592" data-end="623">Opening Up by Writing It Down</em>.</p>
<p data-start="626" data-end="773">The takeaway was clear: writing to express emotions can be deeply therapeutic. The more people opened up on the page, the more they seemed to heal.</p>
<p data-start="775" data-end="1117">Fast forward to today, and we’re seeing a new twist on that idea. Many personal essays, blog posts, and even podcasts read like pages from a private journal. They’re written not to inform, entertain, or educate—but to help the author process their emotions. There&#8217;s nothing wrong with that—<em data-start="1065" data-end="1073">unless</em> you’re sharing them with a public audience.</p>
<p data-start="1119" data-end="1413">Consider the <em data-start="1132" data-end="1145">Modern Love</em> section of the <em data-start="1161" data-end="1177">New York Times</em>, where many stories read like polished diary entries. Or the podcast episode I once heard from a respected copywriter, where he shared his struggle with suicidal thoughts. I had admired his work, but I never saw him the same way again.</p>
<p data-start="1415" data-end="1452">We often see essays with titles like:</p>
<ul data-start="1453" data-end="1574">
<li data-start="1453" data-end="1503">
<p data-start="1455" data-end="1503">“What It’s Like to Be 70 (or 40, 50, 60, 80&#8230;)”</p>
</li>
<li data-start="1504" data-end="1537">
<p data-start="1506" data-end="1537">“How I Finally Found Happiness”</p>
</li>
<li data-start="1538" data-end="1574">
<p data-start="1540" data-end="1574">“The Day I Stopped Feeling Afraid”</p>
</li>
</ul>
<p data-start="1576" data-end="1830">These pieces can be well-written and moving. But they’re often framed as universal truths when they’re deeply personal experiences. Genetics, life history, and circumstances mean that what worked for one person may not work—or even apply—to someone else.</p>
<p data-start="1832" data-end="2094">And not all perspectives are welcomed equally. Stories about the joys of being a grandmother are mainstream and warmly received. But if you write about the satisfaction of being a child-free cat lady, you’re likely to get a different reaction. (Trust me—I know.)</p>
<p data-start="2096" data-end="2213"><strong data-start="2096" data-end="2123">Here’s the bottom line:</strong><br data-start="2123" data-end="2126" />Not all experiences need to be shared. In fact, not all experiences <em data-start="2194" data-end="2202">should</em> be shared.</p>
<p data-start="2215" data-end="2252">Before you hit publish, ask yourself:</p>
<ul data-start="2253" data-end="2540">
<li data-start="2253" data-end="2278">
<p data-start="2255" data-end="2278">Why am I writing this?</p>
</li>
<li data-start="2279" data-end="2383">
<p data-start="2281" data-end="2383">Am I offering something valuable to readers—especially those who haven’t been through this themselves?</p>
</li>
<li data-start="2384" data-end="2441">
<p data-start="2386" data-end="2441">Am I hoping for admiration, sympathy, or understanding?</p>
</li>
<li data-start="2442" data-end="2540">
<p data-start="2444" data-end="2540">How might readers regard me after reading this—will they respect me, pity me, or worry about me?</p>
</li>
</ul>
<p data-start="2542" data-end="2756">You might feel better after writing that article or sharing that story on your podcast. And that’s great. But if it helped <em data-start="2665" data-end="2670">you</em> and no one else, it might be better off staying in your journal—not out in the world.</p>
<hr data-start="2758" data-end="2761" />
<p data-start="2763" data-end="2799"><strong data-start="2763" data-end="2799">Alternative SEO-friendly titles:</strong></p>
<ul data-start="2800" data-end="3134">
<li data-start="2800" data-end="2892">
<p data-start="2802" data-end="2892">&#8220;Should You Share That Story? The Fine Line Between Public Writing and Private Journaling&#8221;</p>
</li>
<li data-start="2893" data-end="2965">
<p data-start="2895" data-end="2965">&#8220;When Personal Stories Overshare: Writing to Heal vs. Writing to Help&#8221;</p>
</li>
<li data-start="2966" data-end="3059">
<p data-start="2968" data-end="3059">&#8220;Not Every Story Needs an Audience: How to Know What to Publish (And What to Keep Private)&#8221;</p>
</li>
<li data-start="3060" data-end="3134">
<p data-start="3062" data-end="3134">&#8220;From Journal to Blog: Are You Writing to Help Others or Just Yourself?&#8221;</p>
</li>
</ul>
<p data-start="3136" data-end="3230" data-is-last-node="" data-is-only-node="">Let me know if you&#8217;d like a shorter version, Medium formatting, or podcast episode adaptation.</p>
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<p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://aginginsneakers.com/3654/">Are You Writing to Heal or to Help? Why Some Stories Belong in Your Journal, Not Your Bl</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://aginginsneakers.com"></a>.</p>
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		<title>&#8220;When I&#8217;m 80, I&#8217;m gonna take up smoking.&#8221;</title>
		<link>https://aginginsneakers.com/371/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[CathyG]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 15 Mar 2025 13:03:19 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[also in medium]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[medical care]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[pollyanna views of aging]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://aginginsneakers.com/?p=371</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>At age 80, Leonard Cohen announced he was taking up smoking. Yes, it’s not a great idea. Besides your own health, there’s the matter of exposing others to second-hand smoke. These points were made in a New York Times article 10 years ago,  yet they’re still feeling real today. I’d always thought I’d start smoking [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://aginginsneakers.com/371/">&#8220;When I&#8217;m 80, I&#8217;m gonna take up smoking.&#8221;</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://aginginsneakers.com"></a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div id="attachment_3585" style="width: 810px" class="wp-caption aligncenter"><img aria-describedby="caption-attachment-3585" decoding="async" loading="lazy" class="size-full wp-image-3585" src="https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/andres-siimon-ryBnRg4c3L0-unsplash.jpg" alt="" width="800" height="533" srcset="https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/andres-siimon-ryBnRg4c3L0-unsplash.jpg 800w, https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/andres-siimon-ryBnRg4c3L0-unsplash-480x320.jpg 480w" sizes="(min-width: 0px) and (max-width: 480px) 480px, (min-width: 481px) 800px, 100vw" /><p id="caption-attachment-3585" class="wp-caption-text">Image by Andres Simon on Unsplash.</p></div>
<p><span id="more-371"></span><span class="s1">At age 80, Leonard Cohen announced he was taking up smoking. Yes, it’s not a great idea. Besides your own health, there’s the matter of exposing others to second-hand smoke.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">These points were made in a <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/21/opinion/sunday/too-young-to-die-too-old-to-worry.html?smid=url-share">New York Times article</a> 10 years ago,<span class="Apple-converted-space">  </span>yet they’re still feeling real today.</span></p>
<p class="p1"><span class="s1">I’d always thought I’d start smoking again at some point in my life.</span></p>
<p class="p2"><span class="s2">After all, as the article points out, “A</span><span class="s3">ging in the 21st century is all about risk and its reduction.”</span></p>
<p class="p3"><span class="s1">But at some point, the article also says, it’s “time to start saving and start spending some of our principal.”<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p>
<p class="p3"><span class="s1">And, “By preventing heart disease and cancer, we live longer and so increase our risk of suffering cognitive losses so disabling that our caregivers then have to decide not just how, but how long, we will live.”</span></p>
<p class="p3"><span class="s1">The author asks why Medicare doesn’t pay everyone to have a weekly dinner-and-drinks event with friends. I like that idea.</span></p>
<p class="p3"><span class="s1">I’m very fortunate to have doctors who mostly get this.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p>
<p class="p3"><span class="s1">One doctor tells me his parents were just fine till they hit their 80s. Then they spent all their time dealing with illness. He doesn’t push me to get more than the bare minimum.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p>
<p class="p3"><span class="s1">Another doctor shrugged when I asked about getting coffee and a cinnamon bun in a coffee shop. “Ideally you’d never have sugar, but you’ve got to enjoy life, too,” he said.</span></p>
<p class="p3"><span class="s1">Life in the 80s doesn’t offer much to look forward to, for many people. If the big things don’t kill you, you’ll get arthritis, lose your hearing, weaken your eyesight, and feel all kinds of aches and pains.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> You can&#8217;t do the things you used to enjoy. You&#8217;re doing things to pass the time, not pursue a purposeful life.</span></span></p>
<p class="p3"><span class="s1">Why not have a glass of wine or a cinnamon bun now and then? Why bother with a diet of spinach and boiled eggs? You could call this the Leonard Cohen style of getting older.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p>
<p class="p3"><span class="s1">And if Medicare costs too much, give everybody over 75 a cyanide pill to use when they want. As I say <a href="https://amzn.to/3DKZS4w">in my book</a>, you could also provide a gift certificate to a hitman in South Philly.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p class="p3"><span class="s1">That’s a little easier on the relatives. Instead of feeling betrayed by a medically assisted death, the funeral theme is, “Well, you know what the streets are like in the city. It could be worse…”<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p>
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		<title>Why are you calling attention to your age?</title>
		<link>https://aginginsneakers.com/3477/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[CathyG]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 20 Dec 2024 16:50:56 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[also in medium]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[stereotypes of aging]]></category>
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					<description><![CDATA[<p>Recently I attended a choral concert in Philadelphia. One of the presenters introduced himself, saying, &#8220;I&#8217;ve been doing this for 20 years&#8230;oh, I just dated myself.&#8221; I hadn&#8217;t noticed till he said that. I exchanged cards with someone at a social event recently. As she took the card, she said, &#8220;I guess it&#8217;s just people [&#8230;]</p>
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										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div id="attachment_3515" style="width: 810px" class="wp-caption aligncenter"><img aria-describedby="caption-attachment-3515" decoding="async" loading="lazy" class="size-full wp-image-3515" src="https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/pexels-pet-foto-644780685-17802938-1.jpg" alt="" width="800" height="533" srcset="https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/pexels-pet-foto-644780685-17802938-1.jpg 800w, https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/pexels-pet-foto-644780685-17802938-1-480x320.jpg 480w" sizes="(min-width: 0px) and (max-width: 480px) 480px, (min-width: 481px) 800px, 100vw" /><p id="caption-attachment-3515" class="wp-caption-text">From Pet Foto on Pexels</p></div>
<p><span id="more-3477"></span></p>
<p>Recently I attended a choral concert in Philadelphia. One of the presenters introduced himself, saying, &#8220;I&#8217;ve been doing this for 20 years&#8230;oh, I just dated myself.&#8221; I hadn&#8217;t noticed till he said that.</p>
<p>I exchanged cards with someone at a social event recently. As she took the card, she said, &#8220;I guess it&#8217;s just people our age who use cards these days.&#8221; While there&#8217;s a trend to online business cards (I have those two) I know lots of people of all ages who have business cards.</p>
<p>&#8220;Country music? My parents listened to that!&#8221; And so do many young people. I was in a coffee shop when the very young barista chose country music as background.</p>
<p>Why call attention to your age? Just make the statement without reference to age.. If people want to date you, they will.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s worse when someone says &#8220;at my age&#8230;&#8221; because they&#8217;re assuming everyone is like them at that age.</p>
<p>&#8220;At my age, my back hurts more.&#8221;</p>
<p>&#8220;At my age, I can&#8217;t sleep like I used to.&#8221;</p>
<p>These statements are true&#8230;but not for everyone of your age. Some of those statements mean you need to see a doctor. And you suddenly reminded people how old you are.</p>
<p>If a good friend asks you, &#8220;How does it feel to be 70 (or 65 or 75 or 80), that&#8217;s a different story. They want to know about you, specifically. Or your doctor will want to know why you&#8217;re refusing one test and asking for another.</p>
<p>But in general, when talking to strangers, why do you want to be identified by your age? It&#8217;s like being identified by racial stereotypes, quirky characteristics (like having red or curly hair), or some other attribute that&#8217;s completely meaningless. Better to be identified by your skills or professional status &#8212; something you&#8217;re proud to promote.</p>
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		<title>Being Old on Holidays: Are you serious?</title>
		<link>https://aginginsneakers.com/1928/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[CathyG]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 07 Dec 2024 17:53:18 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[also in medium]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[pollyanna views of aging]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[stereotypes of aging]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://aginginsneakers.com/?p=1928</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>As I write in my book on aging, I would challenge everyone to take the concept of “age” out of any discussion. For instance, in my article on aging and Covid, I quote sources showing wide variance in immunosenescence (i.e., weakening of immune systems due to aging) based on physical activity. Most medical studies show [&#8230;]</p>
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										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div id="attachment_1931" style="width: 810px" class="wp-caption aligncenter"><a href="https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/kitten-g78d0350bd_1280.jpg"><img aria-describedby="caption-attachment-1931" decoding="async" loading="lazy" class="size-full wp-image-1931" src="https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/kitten-g78d0350bd_1280.jpg" alt="" width="800" height="533" srcset="https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/kitten-g78d0350bd_1280.jpg 800w, https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/kitten-g78d0350bd_1280-480x320.jpg 480w" sizes="(min-width: 0px) and (max-width: 480px) 480px, (min-width: 481px) 800px, 100vw" /></a><p id="caption-attachment-1931" class="wp-caption-text">Image by Iryna Bakurskaya from PixabayIn the last few days, I’ve seen discussions about experiencing the holidays as we grow “older.”</p></div>
<p><span id="more-1928"></span></p>
<div class="pu wn nl yd ye">
<p id="ee49" class="pw-post-body-paragraph zc zd yg sm b ze zf vp zg zh zi vs zj zk zl zm zn zo zp zq zr zs zt zu zv zw pu by" data-selectable-paragraph="">As I write in <a class="ay pg" href="http://cathygoodwin.com/agebook" target="_blank" rel="noopener ugc nofollow">my book on aging</a>, I would challenge everyone to take the concept of “age” out of any discussion.</p>
<p id="5c6e" class="pw-post-body-paragraph zc zd yg sm b ze zf vp zg zh zi vs zj zk zl zm zn zo zp zq zr zs zt zu zv zw pu by" data-selectable-paragraph="">For instance, in <a class="ay pg" href="http://mycopy.info/agemed" target="_blank" rel="noopener ugc nofollow">my article on aging and Covid</a>, I quote sources showing wide variance in immunosenescence (i.e., weakening of immune systems due to aging) based on physical activity. Most medical studies show outcomes based on age, but don’t break down the data by health status of “older” people. I did talk to one doctor who acknowledged that age might be a surrogate for other conditions, such as multiple comorbidities.</p>
<blockquote class="abm abn abo">
<p id="57f0" class="zc zd abp sm b ze zf vp zg zh zi vs zj abq zl zm zn abr zp zq zr abs zt zu zv zw pu by" data-selectable-paragraph="">Similarly, you can discuss changes in holiday traditions without introducing the word “age.”</p>
</blockquote>
<p id="a3a3" class="pw-post-body-paragraph zc zd yg sm b ze zf vp zg zh zi vs zj zk zl zm zn zo zp zq zr zs zt zu zv zw pu by" data-selectable-paragraph="">As the children in your family grow up and establish their own families, traditions will change. Depending on the age of childbirth, that could happen well before “old age” sets in.</p>
<p id="2e13" class="pw-post-body-paragraph zc zd yg sm b ze zf vp zg zh zi vs zj zk zl zm zn zo zp zq zr zs zt zu zv zw pu by" data-selectable-paragraph="">Holiday celebrations can be affected by changes in employment, finances, health…even adopting a new dog or buying a home. These changes can happen whether you’re twenty-nine or ninety.</p>
<h2 id="d393" class="abt abu yg bv abv rm abw rn rq rr abx rs rv zk aby abz sa zo aca acb sf zs acc acd sk ace by" data-selectable-paragraph=""><strong class="be">Being single has influenced my holidays far more than my age.</strong></h2>
<p id="b343" class="pw-post-body-paragraph zc zd yg sm b ze acf vp zg zh acg vs zj zk ach zm zn zo aci zq zr zs acj zu zv zw pu by" data-selectable-paragraph="">About 20 years ago, I wrote <a class="ay pg" href="http://mycopy.info/holidays" target="_blank" rel="noopener ugc nofollow">an article about this</a>, and nothing’s changed.</p>
<p id="2ff0" class="pw-post-body-paragraph zc zd yg sm b ze zf vp zg zh zi vs zj zk zl zm zn zo zp zq zr zs zt zu zv zw pu by" data-selectable-paragraph="">Like single people of all ages, I prefer to avoid joining other people’s families. Making small talk with strangers? Watching family fights erupt just as the dessert is served? Answering awkward questions about my marital status?</p>
<p id="d50a" class="pw-post-body-paragraph zc zd yg sm b ze zf vp zg zh zi vs zj zk zl zm zn zo zp zq zr zs zt zu zv zw pu by" data-selectable-paragraph="">Well, it might be different this year. I don’t want to take a chance.</p>
<h2 id="924e" class="abt abu yg bv abv rm abw rn rq rr abx rs rv zk aby abz sa zo aca acb sf zs acc acd sk ace by" data-selectable-paragraph=""><strong class="be">Let’s get rid of the question, “What’s it like being old on this holiday?”</strong></h2>
<p id="d500" class="pw-post-body-paragraph zc zd yg sm b ze acf vp zg zh acg vs zj zk ach zm zn zo aci zq zr zs acj zu zv zw pu by" data-selectable-paragraph="">Instead ask, “What’s your holiday season like now that your kids have grown and gone?”</p>
<p id="7288" class="pw-post-body-paragraph zc zd yg sm b ze zf vp zg zh zi vs zj zk zl zm zn zo zp zq zr zs zt zu zv zw pu by" data-selectable-paragraph="">Or, “What holiday traditions have you developed over the last five, ten or twenty years?”</p>
<p data-selectable-paragraph="">Or, &#8220;How do you celebrate holidays since you relocated to your new home?&#8221;</p>
<p id="8fc0" class="pw-post-body-paragraph zc zd yg sm b ze zf vp zg zh zi vs zj zk zl zm zn zo zp zq zr zs zt zu zv zw pu by" data-selectable-paragraph=""><strong>These questions would be interesting for any age.</strong></p>
<p id="aa72" class="abt abu yg bv abv rm abw rn rq rr abx rs rv zk aby abz sa zo aca acb sf zs acc acd sk ace by">For instance, some young couples seek new traditions when they have children.</p>
<p id="6401" class="pw-post-body-paragraph zc zd yg sm b ze acf vp zg zh acg vs zj zk ach zm zn zo aci zq zr zs acj zu zv zw pu by" data-selectable-paragraph="">Some want to add religion to the mix so their children will grow up in a tradition; some abandon childhood religions they feel they’ve outgrown.</p>
<p id="5198" class="pw-post-body-paragraph zc zd yg sm b ze zf vp zg zh zi vs zj zk zl zm zn zo zp zq zr zs zt zu zv zw pu by" data-selectable-paragraph="">Some develop gift-giving rituals. Some go skiing as a family. Some bake cookies; some decide on a sugar-free holiday.</p>
<h2 id="bcd8" class="abt abu yg bv abv rm abw rn rq rr abx rs rv zk aby abz sa zo aca acb sf zs acc acd sk ace by" data-selectable-paragraph="">Single people develop traditions, too.</h2>
<p id="d314" class="pw-post-body-paragraph zc zd yg sm b ze acf vp zg zh acg vs zj zk ach zm zn zo aci zq zr zs acj zu zv zw pu by" data-selectable-paragraph="">When I had a dog and lived in a warm climate, we’d head for the dog park for the day. Now that I’m down to two temperamental cats, my day feels different. I usually have several projects to work on…or I may be heading for a vacation far away from home.</p>
<p id="8345" class="pw-post-body-paragraph zc zd yg sm b ze zf vp zg zh zi vs zj zk zl zm zn zo zp zq zr zs zt zu zv zw pu by" data-selectable-paragraph="">But “How have you changed as you’ve gotten older (i.e., moved to the “old” demographic category)?</p>
<p id="736c" class="pw-post-body-paragraph zc zd yg sm b ze zf vp zg zh zi vs zj zk zl zm zn zo zp zq zr zs zt zu zv zw pu by" data-selectable-paragraph="">I for one don’t know how to answer that. And I’m not sure I want to try.</p>
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		<title>Ghosted? Split? Don&#8217;t send a poison gift.</title>
		<link>https://aginginsneakers.com/3457/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[CathyG]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 29 Nov 2024 23:15:22 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[also in medium]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><div id="attachment_3459" style="width: 810px" class="wp-caption aligncenter"><img aria-describedby="caption-attachment-3459" decoding="async" loading="lazy" class="size-full wp-image-3459" src="https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/jess-bailey-f94JPVrDbnY-unsplash.jpg" alt="" width="800" height="544" srcset="https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/jess-bailey-f94JPVrDbnY-unsplash.jpg 800w, https://aginginsneakers.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/jess-bailey-f94JPVrDbnY-unsplash-480x326.jpg 480w" sizes="(min-width: 0px) and (max-width: 480px) 480px, (min-width: 481px) 800px, 100vw" /><p id="caption-attachment-3459" class="wp-caption-text">Image by Jess Bailey on Unsplash. It looks beautiful&#8230;but could it be poison?</p></div></p>
<p><span id="more-3457"></span>You haven&#8217;t heard from your friend in months. She hasn&#8217;t returned your calls. He tried to block your messages.</p>
<p>Or maybe you had a fight with someone and you want to restore the relationship.</p>
<p>So you send a gift. A nice gift you know they&#8217;ll like. You hope they&#8217;ll be so impressed by the gift they&#8217;ll want to reconcile.</p>
<p>Wrong.</p>
<p>A poison gift is one that comes across as manipulative. It&#8217;s not given out of pure sentiment. You hope the recipient will do something in return, or at least be moved to be friends again.</p>
<p>Or it&#8217;s a regift that doesn&#8217;t reflect what they know about you. It&#8217;s really about them.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s even more common with relatives. My friend&#8217;s brother totally disappeared when she needed help. Instead of helping her when she needed support, he sent a gift of flowers. She gave them away.</p>
<p>I&#8217;ve done the same thing with poison gifts.</p>
<p>Often the sender sends the gift with the best of intentions. They honestly don&#8217;t realize what they&#8217;re doing.  They may not know there&#8217;s a better way.</p>
<p>First, send a gift you know will delight the recipient. If you don&#8217;t know their tastes, you probably don&#8217;t know them well enough to send a gift. Ask a mutual friend or ask probing questions. &#8220;I hope they&#8217;ll like it&#8221; isn&#8217;t going to cut it. Why send a bad gift? I say it&#8217;s better to send nothing.</p>
<p>I&#8217;ve gotten tea sets when I rarely drink tea; I&#8217;m a coffee person. I&#8217;ve gotten plants when I can&#8217;t grow anything. I got a wall picture of a diver when (a) my walls were full and (b) I don&#8217;t like water. I give these things away.</p>
<p>Second, if you want to restore a friendship, ask directly. Invite them out for coffee or a meal (and you pay). Or send a nice letter. Say something like, &#8220;I&#8217;d like us both to work on building this relationship.&#8221;</p>
<p>The other person can say no. They&#8217;re adults who choose how. to spend their time. Even if it&#8217;s baffling to you, they. may choose not to engage.</p>
<p>Your life will go on. If someone has ghosted you, find new people to add to your life.</p>
<p>They don&#8217;t owe you an explanation. Sometimes they don&#8217;t have one. Or it may not have anything to do with you. They don&#8217;t want to fix it. You can&#8217;t force them. It&#8217;s time to move on.</p>
<p>Maybe they&#8217;ll come back some day and maybe they won&#8217;t, Either way, a gift won&#8217;t make a difference. In fact, it may drive the wedge deeper.</p>
<p>That&#8217;s been my experience and it&#8217;s something important to remember, especially at Christmas.</p></div>
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