by CathyG | Jul 15, 2014 | dying with dignity
In this article, Addressing Capacity, Dr. Mark Lachs notes that 40-50% of people over 85% have some form of cognitive impairment.
In one example, a woman refuses to admit caretakers to her home. “What if there’s a fire?” she’s asked.
If she says, “I’m willing to take the risk,” she may just not be aware of what’s going on.
If she says, “I’ve lived a long life and I am willing to take that chance to maintain my privacy and independence. I can wear a life alert pendant.”
Dr. Lachs notes that people have the right to make that choice. I wish more doctors did.
by CathyG | Jun 21, 2014 | stereotypes of aging
(1) Your own personal cyanide pill. At this point, modern medicine can only do so much for you. If you want to check out, you should be able to do so, on your own terms, without explaining to anyone.
If you’re worried about upsetting your family, you should get access to a hitman from your local Mafia enclave. They’ll make it quick, clean and painless. Your family will be told, “An unfortunate accident and she had no pain at the end.”
(2) The right to use 4-letter words, including the F-word, any time, especially when you’re talking to a doctor, an insurance company, or some broker who cold-called you to transfer your IRA to his company. You’d be surprised how much gets done after you call somebody a mother-fucking idiot.
(3) The ability to make a citizen’s arrest of anyone who calls you “honey” or “dear,” especially in a professional setting. If they grew up in South Philly, they can plead mitigating circumstances.
(4) The right to knock somebody on their ass if they grab your arm without permission, thinking they’re being kind and helpful, when in fact they’re being patronizing and controlling.
Alternatively, you can hand them your big heavy backpack and say, “Oh, that’s so nice, dear – how about carrying this for me?” all the way to the door of your gym.
(5) The right to opt-out forever from all age-related mailing lists, especially those invitations from AARP and those newsletters from health care agencies, hearing aid companies and hospitals.
by CathyG | May 23, 2014 | Uncategorized
The social aspects of aging are by far the most difficult, in my experience, and the least understood. Often we experience altercasting – the way we’re pushed into roles and respond to those involuntary roles through a social interaction.
The brief video on social aspects of aging underestimated the cruelty associated with aging, which can be experienced any time after 35 or 40. It is true that some cultures treat older people better than the US does. However, it’s not clear what roles are appropriate or why special roles should be reserved for people over 60.
I do many things that are not age-appropriate – in my late sixties, I wear shorts, work on the Internet, take classes, workout – and every so often someone will say something that reminds me I’m older than most of the group. I’ve also found that any quirk or unusual quality is attributed to aging, even though it’s something that hasn’t changed for years. Age is the strongest signifier of status – even stronger than gender, sexual preference or (usually) race.
Another social phenomena is the toleration of negative stereotypes of aging. I remember watching a TV morning show years ago, where an “older” women was being interviewed because she did skydiving. The anchor was smiling in a patronizing way, as if to say, “That is so cute.” Similarly we see thousands of Youtube videos showing older women dancing, which is supposed to be amusing. One movie reviewer (wish I’d kept the clipping) wrote that, “It is funny to see older people enjoying themselves.” Can you imagine saying that about black people or disabled people?
Vernon Jordan wrote a book about growing up black. In one episode he was sitting at a table reading a book in a home his mother was cleaning. The lady of the house exclaimed, “Why, Vernon can read!” Most of us would be horrified, yet we tolerate a similar view from social and public media. We see a video of an elderly woman dancing and say, “Why, this old lady can shake her butt!”
I have never liked children and have no interest in activities that would put me around children. I’m not getting mellower; I’ve always been direct and outspoken and I’m still that way. The difference is that many people (especially medical people) expect to deal with sweet, docile old people; it has been necessary to use some colorful language to get them to pay attention, especially when I’m there alone. I don’t necessarily want “respect.” I just want to be treated like an adult who’s paying the bills; I deserve respect as a customer, not for my age.
Moreover, while other cultures treat the elderly with respect, preliterate tribes would leave elders behind when they were too weak to go on the tribal journeys. Some would kill and eat the elders. If you asked, I think many people would rather experience those customs than be locked up home with extreme pain, no meaningful life and the high probability of abuse.
by CathyG | May 4, 2014 | stereotypes of aging
Recently the WSJ published a silly article suggesting that older people are “nicer,” based on scores from a standard personality test. Aside from the fact that I hate personality tests, I was horrified and offended. The WSJ seems to be perpetuating the stereotype of older people as easier to push around.
One person responded with gusto. Read the letter here. He’s not nice at all, he says. Telemarketers don’t call back. His internist sends an assistant to examine him. He’s not warm and fuzzy at all.
My role model in fact!
by CathyG | Apr 15, 2014 | medical care, single life
Single people die younger. According to this article, the difference might be due to a spouse who nags you to eat better or see a doctor. I think it’s also likely that you’ll get better care from doctors when a family member can advocate for you. Read the article here.
And here’s another article about positive effects of marriage on men’s health. Click here.
One thing that gets ignored is the way the health care system views single versus married people. It’s assumed that you’ll have a family member pick you up after outpatient surgery. The Family Medical Leave provides only for care of a parent, spouse or child – not even a brother or niece, let alone a friend. People can’t get off work to drive a friend home from the hospital, especially in the middle of the day with short notice. Additionally, we keep hearing that it’s important to have family members with you if you’re in a hospital; otherwise you’re far more subject to medical errors, neglect and even outright abuse.
Some people genuinely enjoy their own solitude and single status. In terms of aging, that’s a plus, because we’re more independent and less likely to mourn. But getting care becomes a massive invasion of privacy, with limited options for support.
