Image by Cristina Hernandez on Unsplash.
I just saw a big graphic: “You’re not getting older. You’re increasing in value.”
This is one of many, many sayings that are remarkably similar. “You’re not getting older. You’re getting better.”
You may have seen another variation: “You’re not getting older. You’re getting better.”
What’s wrong with this saying? Three things.
First, what’s wrong with getting older? This saying implies that “getting older” is a negative. It reinforces the belief, “Getting old is shameful.”
If you’re alive, you’re getting older from one year to the next. You were 21 last year? Now you’re 22. You were 81 last year? Now you’re 82. Either way, you’re older.
The only difference is, you don’t tell a 21-year-old, “You’re not getting older, you’re getting better.” We say, “Have a good birthday with a good cake!”
Second, it’s a lot like calling a person who’s visibly older than 16 “young lady” or “young man.” It’s patronizing and infantilizing. Enough said.
Third, and finally, it’s just not true. For many people, getting older does not mean getting better. Some people feel they’re falling apart when they turn 40. Some realize their capacities. diminish as they pass a certain point, which can vary for different people.
When US citizens were concerned about the age of President Biden, many people around this age took it personally, according to a Wall Street Journal article. The WSJ reporter interviewed several people in their late seventies and early eighties. Some grew tired more easily. Most couldn’t do the things they had done earlier, certainly not with the same speed and enjoyment.
You could argue that these losses were offset by gains in maturity and wisdom. That’s certainly not true for all of us. Getting older doesn’t always mean getting wiser, and definitely not on the dimensions that matter in certain contexts.
In summary, the best answer to a comment like this is, “That’s a lot of BS.” Someone’s trying to con you into being a sweet little old person, someone who’s a “good sport.”
You could also ask (or post a comment), “What does getting better mean, anyway? Better health? More contributions to the world? More self-growth and self-awareness?”
No thanks. I’ll accept that I’m getting older with every birthday. Period.
